I would really appreciate some advice from people who have been in this situation.
I have been with DH for 25 years and he is a really kind and gentle man. PIL are toxic and abusive and we have mostly handled this over the years by going v LC and 'grey rock' (before we even knew that it was a thing). For reasons too lengthy to go in to this tactic is no longer working and DH has been treated really badly by PIL, BIL and SIL over the last 4 years and I am finding it really difficult to have any contact with them at all. I have managed to avoid them for the last 2 years but I am under pressure from DH to visit them in 2 weeks. time. I set some conditions for the visit (I don't want SIL to be there and I don't want to eat there) but today it turns out that those conditions won't be met because DH won't stand up to them and tell them about this. I have said that I am not going and neither are the DCs, so DH is going on his own. DH is not ready to go NC.
I feel really bad about this because I have always been there to support DH with his family and it also feels like they have managed to come between us. However, I also feel that he needs to stand up for himself, but I know that because of the way he was raised he finds this really difficult, or impossible.
Has anyone been in the situation where they have gone NC with someone but their DH can't / won't? Am I doing the right thing or should I just grin and bear it for one day and go along with it (this is what DH thinks should happen)
TIA