How much interests in common do you need?

[Milou89]

For a relationship to work ? I'm asking the question because the only serious relationship I had was with a guy who's "hobbies" where Video games/nap/Netflix /repeat. At the begining of our relationship it was Ok, we didnt had much money at the time and he was a funny /nice guy. But with time, I began to live my own life while my ex was still at home, sitting on the couch. It lasted 6 years.
Now, I'm dating a new man. Call him Sam. I'm doing real activities with him and I'm not used to do activities with a man! It feel strange in a good way. He introduced me to indoor climbing and I like it but for him it is a real passion. I always wanted to do workout with ex-boyfriend but it never happened. With Sam, it is possible but he is out of my league (he trained almost every day). We both like board games but for me, it is a hobby, for him, almost an obsession !
I'm asking for your advice /experience, because, like I said it is so new for me to do something with a man. I really dont know what "the normal " is when we talk about activities /interests in a relationship. Maybe I'm asking myself to much question 😅

I don't think there is a 'normal'. Or that it matters as long as you're both happy with it.

I've got some common interests with my boyfriend. I met him doing a hobby and so we have that in common. Our musical tastes overlap but aren't identical but enough so that it's easy enough for us to go to a gig together. We both like going for walks in the countryside, castles, going to the pub, pub quizzes, naps (can't beat a good nap!)

Interests we don't have in common? Well I'm more interested in feminism than he is but he's certainly willing to listen to me, engage in conversation and has changed some of his viewpoints and even told me he'd been educating his colleagues (he works in an all male environment 😆 He watches a lot more TV than I do! But I dp watch some stuff with him. Quite often, I'll leave him watching TV while I go and do setting else. it's fine.

We do stuff together and stuff apart, which I think is healthy. I don't think it's necessary to have the same level of interest in things just that you respect each other's interests, so no mocking, and spend time both together and apart.

It's more important to have compatible interests than the same interests. If you don't have many actual interests in common, you need to make more of a conscious effort to do things together.

I think relationships are a lot better if there are some things you like to do together that happen outside your living space. It's also potentially quite difficult to live with a hobby that you hate but is everything to your partner. But one partner quite enjoying something that the other adores is normal enough.

What I do find frustrating is the pattern where the woman gets introduced to activities by her partner but he won't get involved in hers, if any.

I do think more women spend more time than men on friendships - they are an activity of their own. It may not be appropriate for the man to get involved in those so much.

Not sure there is a normal to be honest.

Dh and I go to the gym together, do jigsaws and watch movies. We enjoy eachothers company, but usually are doing things alongside one another or with ds.

He's an avid gamer and I'm a huge reader. Take today, we've spent the day with a poorly ds, all 3 of us snuggled on the sofa, watching what ds wanted on TV, I had a book and he had his phone playing a game, we chatted and alternatively dealt with sick. Now, ds is settled in bed, he's playing the sims on his pc and I'm watching tv while surfing netflix. Both together and chatting occasionally.

I don't know if there is a 'normal' but for me, I don't think you have to share all your interests - in fact I think it's healthier if you have some of your 'own' interests. It's possibe to have no shared hobbies I think - more important that you share views on how home life will be (where you'd live / division of labour / tideness expectations of both) and how often you pursue your hobbies (one person wanting to spend 4 nights a week on their hobby when the other prefers to be at home every night for example).

And I would avoid someone who thinks you should share hobbies and by that they mean you should take on all of their hobbies, but not the other way around.

Thanks for your anwers ! I think only time will tell if we are compatible on the long term and maybe we will developp new interests together !

Completely agree with this.

My boyfriend and I probably have a similar level of interaction with our own friends. I've introduced him to my friends and we've been out a few times together. That works particularly well with my male friends.