General rant for closure

[myarsebiscuits]

Does anyone else feel the need to rant about their ex?!

Recent split. I've blocked everywhere. But he's a narcissist and for some reason I'm always drawn back. On and off for ages. And I'm not normally like this!

I'm so angry. But part of me wants to tell him what an utter prick he's been. I think it would give me closure. But if I do that... I'm bound to get sucked in

Does anyone else feel like this? Would it help anyone to have a random ranting about all the shitty things their ex did so they can get it off their chest?

I did call mine a prick (amongst other things) and while it did make me feel better at the time it didn't change the outcome. He still came back and hassled me through the only channel he could. I mean, who would after being called that?! A true narcissist that's who because it's just a game to them. I've researched and read up on it until I'm bored of the word 😂 don't know how much you've looked in to it but that helped me understand the trauma bond much better. I still resent having to waste my time doing it but that's life. I'm having a minor rant now aren't I haha! You sound really clued up, hope you manage to move forward from it!

I dumped my narc last Thursday but I only said it in the heat of another round of his anger. I wasn't planning to say what I said. It was enough for him to block me and tell anyone who has spoken to him about me being a good woman I'm mad and sneaky and sly.

What sort of behaviour did your ex participate in?

Mine did the opposite of what his said he wouldn't

Called me a cunt many times. After saying early on he hates the word and would never use it.
Got angry all the time yet always said he wouldn't ever want to make a woman feel scared.
Shouted at me when I tried to talk.

Lied.
Kept in touch with his ex.
Messaged other women.
Borrowed money.
Lied about money going missing etc.
Magically got his tele pinched but I swear he sold it.
Stories changed.
No family or friends.
No social life.
Suffered depression and anxiety.
Poor sleep.
Moody
Over focused in my style. Hair and clothes.
Always asking if his hair or clothes looked good.

Women removed of his Facebook. Kept in touch with people linked to family he no longer liked.

God yes.

Mine has been absolutely vile to me, I can’t even list some of the things he’s done and said.

He often does something awful, leaves, blocks me and then I end up begging for him to come back, he ignores me, then replies to one or two texts, then comes back when I’ve apologised and been punished enough.

Im on day 3 of no contact, he is blocked EVERYWHERE (I’ve never done that) and I’m not going back, no matter how much this is hurting.

Reminding myself of the cycle of abuse, reading up on trauma bonds and codependency but fucking hell I miss the prick.

Ok I’ll list some of mine

Messaging other women
Slept with his ex - he said just once in the early days but I don’t believe him
Smashed my house and car up
Pulled the hand brake up while I was driving
Used to say he was coming to talk, then would have sex with me and walk out the door straight after
Called me a slag, told me I was ugly (im not) made comments about how I “felt” down there, told me I needed strangling, said he wished I was dead
Stopped me having social media
Stopped me going out with friends

Yes but the truth is they don’t care so it’s pointless. My exh is an awful person but I end up looking like the ‘bad guy’ as everything is twisted. Best policy is to avoid/ignore (not easy with dc).

I also miss my prick so much.
I went back many times.
I grovelled and tried to fix it many times.

I made him extra mad this time because I went to his make cousin that he doesnt particularly see as he lives over an hour away. But I went to him for support and told him exactly how he was treating me and due to him being the only family member left I felt I needed to tell him.

He's currently fighting to get my money back and he's going to be having words with him about his behaviour.

Kind of don't like him being involved as he's saying stuff that I feel will make him hate me more. But that's still my little cljng.

I know deep deep down in my heart now they I can't go back now I've told everyone what he's done.

I was bring thrown out his house on average 1 or 2 times a month in the end.

He always made me feel off about my style too.

Why don't you have your hair shorter?
Your hair needs cutting.
When I first met you I thought you looked like a mum who was pretty and I fancied you but I could tell you didn't treat yourself to hair appointment
You'd suit your hair up. It shows of your pretty face. When you have it down it just pulls your face down.
Don't you ever curl your hair.
Why do you always straighten it.

I love your black jeggings. 6 months later. I prefer your blue ones better than them black ones you wear.

Why don't you wear shorts.

Why do you always wear the same sort of thing.

That coats nice. Better than that other one you wear. It's too long. You need a shorter one than that other one.

You'd suit a tan.
I can't tan!
Everyone can tan. You just never sit out in shorts I bet!

Oh my god. What a bunch of pricks they are

I'm so sorry to hear everyone's rants. I really hope it gives some bloody closure

The thing with mine is he was okay. There were good things. But a constant negging which did my head in. He could never just say something nice. There had to be a side swipe.

Last night we watched a horror film. It triggered me. He could guess why. He stopped the film (nice). Gave a hug (nice). Said I can't believe what's happened to you (ok). Then added 'and you let them get away with it' (um not nice?). He always tells me off for not prosecuting and takings further and sort of blames me for not stopping them. I can't get a hug and some sympathy without a hint of it being my fault.

But like - you've lost weight. You look good. (Pause). You're not perfect though.

Fuck off you fat fuck. Seriously. I'm in the healthy range of BMI. He is not!

Just your standard typical narc. Everything is about him. Bugger all empathy.

But today he brought my kids into it. So I'm fuming. They don't need this shit. That's why I'm determined to cut everything. They heard me crying and I'm just unbelievably angry.

I have children too and in the 8 months I was with him (18 months in contact with the getting to know him stage) I never felt ready to introduce my kids. Because he was an irresponsible grumpy sod always skint and nothing to offer.

It's hard not to look at the happy memories.

I strangely miss walking to his house and the excitement in those early months to see him.

By the end he had made me feel like a thick young stupid woman. I was 15 years younger he was 48.

Oh god styling! I'd forgotten about that.

Mine actually bought me some trainers to wear when our with him as my adidas ones were too scruffy. They were to be left at his.

And underwear. And tops. And he hinted that I needed a new coat too.

He just wanted something pretty on his arm.

You could unblock, tell him what you think, then reblock him so he doesn't get chance to be nasty in response (as long as you don't think it'd cause any negative repercussions IRL.)

My God I need this thread today! I'm kinda ashamed to say I was still with him after these highlights :

1. Got really angry with me after I tried to set up a male friend and a female friend because I had dated this guy 6 years ago but it didn't work out so we stayed friends. Blazing row.

1. Ruined my daughters 21st birthday (daughter from previous relationship) because I lost track of time and ran to get candles to put on the cake and get everyone to sing happy birthday and I didn't make sure he was at the front of the crowd singing. Didn't speak to me the entire night but flirted with one of her 19 year old friends! 🤮

1. Got angry with me because when I was in my bedroom in just a towel my 14 year old son walked in and my towel wasn't covering everything and I didn't bring my towel up quick enough (but it was quick enough that my son didn't see anything). This was on my birthday before going out for a meal so he didn't speak to me on my birthday.

1. I found out I was pregnant just before we moved in together and organised for him his kids and his sister and her kids to all come round to mine to know where he will be living. The day that happened I had really bad sickness where I couldn't lift my head from the pillow it was awful so I asked if we could postpone. He spent the entire day arguing with me about me and my commitment to the relationship/ why I didn't want to see him, so selfish while I just needed to rest.

1. A few weeks later when I was still incredibly unwell with nausea he got angry that we weren't having sex.

1. He swears a LOT. In front of his own 2 kids too so I mentioned that when the baby was born could we clamp down a little. He got angry for days.

1. He told his 8 year old daughter from his previous relationship "your mother doesn't give a shit about you" so I had to tell him he can't say that to her (and now I'm 34 weeks pregnant my fear is he will say that to the baby about me".

1. He told his 8 year old daughter "you're thick you don't know anything". Again I'm so worried about what he will say to the baby.

1. He got angry at a maternity dress I wanted to wear when I was about 4 months pregnant and feeling better. Said it was too revealing when it really wasn't. Didn't want me to wear it. I wore it anyway and he had to suck it up!

10. Got angry when I said a guy on TV was better looking than another guy on TV. He wasn't angry because the i said anyone eg good looking but because the guy was black!! For the next week any time a black man appeared on the TV he would go quiet!

11. His daughter spat on my son 3 times, first time he did nothing about it and the second time he sent her to bed then sat downstairs with me seething. He admitted that it was because he wanted to blame someone and jump to her defense but there was nobody to blame.

Next day we argued because he tried to blame my son.

The day after that at 29 weeks, he left.

12. A week later he moved out, he took his fridge, sofa and bed, all of which he paid for, but didn't check to see if I had enough time to get those items for myself first so left me to sleep on the floor at 30 weeks pregnant and with no fridge etc. I had ordered new ones knowing he would take them but they hadn't arrived by the time he moved out.

13. Just before he left with the removals can cried, hugged me - said "this is nothing that can't be fixed"

Then tried to stay together but live apart.

Thankfully I'm in touch with The Freedom Programme who have told me that the best thing is to stay away from this absolutel narc!!!

My God it felt good to get all that down.

I'm 8 years down the road from exh but he's such a narcissist it really doesn't matter what you say to him he twists it round and makes it ok in his head. He also just throws back things like 'god you're bitter/jaded/psycho/pathetic if I tell him what I think of him and then I don't feel any better I just feel shit about myself. Took me about 5 years post-separation to figure that one out.

But he is a c#%t of the highest order, and thank fuck he's not my problem anymore. He knows how to play the victim and he played it so well that all the friends we had as a couple blanked me after we split. A few returned with apologies as apparently he'd shown them a few of his true colours too. But whatever. His new partner has it all coming to her, poor bugger.

@JoeGoldberg I'm sorry. But I'm so glad you've escaped now. Thank god for that.

Your post really resonated with me.

I'm not a complete numpty. Why did I keep going back? The truth is I know I have my own issues. He would point them out continuously to me. And then there would be this doubt. Maybe it was me over reacting. Maybe it could work. I know I'm not perfect. He would keep saying who else would take me.

Then I'd be sucked back in and fine for a while until the next fuck up (which was always my fault for being so sensitive/broken/fragile)

Oh and he voted Brexit. What was I thinking?!

@myarsebiscuits yeah he used to do the 'who else would have you..' line. What a charmer. When we met I'd been a lone parent to my 2 eldest for a few years and I really wasn't looking for a relationship but wow did he pursue, said and did all the right things. Of course we ended up getting married, lovely home, and a new baby on the way. And THEN he turned into the biggest narcissistic arsehole you could wish to (never) meet. Gaslit me, cheated on me and told me it was my fault, suddenly an awful step parent, abusive in so many ways.. the list is endless. My youngest DD was 3 when we separated and I like to think I've carved us all a bloody lovely life since then. Hard work but worth every second.

And the pure bliss of having him blocked on my phone 99% of the time, being able to close my front door behind him when he drops DD back home. That my kids don't have to tiptoe round on eggshells anymore. Worth its weight in gold.

It's a long time ago, and most of the time I don't think about him (XH), but I had a sudden revelation recently.
I got pregnant unexpectedly and his reaction was complete horror. I ended up having a termination.
The revelation was that he was so unwelcoming to the idea because he was having an affair, and it would spoil his 'fun'.
I don't know why I had never realised before.
And yes, he's still with her.

I'm going through a bit of a low time ATM, so maybe that's why it popped into my head.

@JoeGoldberg, most of our friends were mutual.
I'm back in contact with a couple of sets (at a distance), but it meant I lost most of the friends I had overnight - I suspect because they didn't have a clue what to say to me.

@vipersnest1 it's crap isn't it. I'm quite distant with the couple of friends we had mutually, mainly because despite a few of them knowing me before we were a couple, they were willing to believe I was the person he told them I was.

I'm sorry you're feeling down. I get that way too even though I know I'm so well shot of him, I still grieve for what we were supposed to have.

@vipersnest1 so sorry you're feeling it at the moment. I wish I could give you all a bloody big hug. So very un mumsnet I know

I also had an abortion. Forced by mr narcissist. Spoke about 'it' very emotionless. So cold.

I don't even know why I didn't run when he said he didn't believe in unconditional love. He has two children... I said you don't love them unconditionally?! Apparently the answer is no. Because they'd let him down. They're kids... But bugger all thought is given to the fact he fucking let them down by having an affair and fucking off when his kids were tiny.

Fuck them all. I'm so sorry for everyone's dickheads. Here's to more cathartic ranting and sunny futures.

@myarsebiscuits, @JoeGoldberg, it really does make you wonder what on earth you saw in them, doesn't it?
FWIW, OW's mother even spread it about that I was the one having the affair. (It was even repeated to my DF.)
I'm such a genius in hindsight.... He used to tell me how much he was in love with his previous squeeze. That should have been a huge red flag, but I felt complimented that he was 'with me'. That was even before we got married. 🤦‍♀️
So, here we are, dealing with all the other shit of life... and there's certainly a good big dollop of it for me.
But we are are all still here. And that's a good thing, isn't it?

@vipersnest1 it's incredible isn't it, just how easily they suck us in. I consider myself to be quite a strong character, in fact he said my independence and confidence were things he loved about me. Then he set about destroying it!

He's back...!

Blocked. But he got an email through saying he's hit rock bottom. Can I not be combative. And call him later after my hospital appointment.

How do I completely block emails on outlook?!

He's back...!

Blocked. But he got an email through saying he's hit rock bottom. Can I not be combative. And call him later after my hospital appointment.

How do I completely block emails on outlook?!

He's back...!

Blocked. But he got an email through saying he's hit rock bottom. Can I not be combative. And call him later after my hospital appointment.

How do I completely block emails on outlook?!

He's back...!

Blocked. But he got an email through saying he's hit rock bottom. Can I not be combative. And call him later after my hospital appointment.

How do I completely block emails on outlook?!