How to stay no contact from abusive ex

[peppermintteas]

Just that really, how do you stay no contact from abusive ex partner when their is a strong trauma bond?

There’s a few of us over on the break up club thread x

Im three days in, it’s physically painful but I know I can’t go back. No contact is the only way to break a trauma bond, you have to go cold turkey x

Sadly the only way to do it is to do it.

It's so hard. I don't even want to be with him anymore but still struggle with no contact. It's like an addiction

Same.

I don’t want to be with him, but I hate NC. I want him to want me, I want him to realise what he’s done but he never will.

And if one of us did contact the other, the outcome would be the same. Loved up for a week and then it all starts again, he’s incapable of change so it’s down to me to break the cycle. It’s not easy.

Block?

If you can have some relationship counselling then do so, I had hypno-psychotherapy and my psychotherapist did a session called breaking the ties that bind you when was really effective. My friend had a different sort of counselling but did a very similar session. It really worked wonders with my narc ex-h

It is an addiction. And you have to treat it as such. Try not to see things just for the 'right now'. Try to see things from how you'll see them when you get in bed tonight. From this time next week. When's your strongest time of day? The time when you feel pleased you've split up and gone no contact? Try to see it from there, the part of the day when you'll say 'YES! Another day done without damaging myself further, another day without him.'

Being without him is like a trip to the gym. It doesn't feel good whilst you're doing it, but afterwards, once you get your breath back, you'll be so glad you did it.

Yes that's all very true. I know he can't change and the cycle continues. He's blocked on absolutely everything now

The abuser never changes. And doesn't believe they are abusing you. Walk away, and never look back.

It is like an addiction. I'm 8 years down the line but for the first 5 years we were on and off on and off, I'd get back on my feet and he'd somehow draw me back in again. I constantly doubted myself, had I imagined all the abuse. He was - still is - VERY good at what he does. Classic narcissist. We have a child together so I can't just go complete no contact. He only has her one evening a week so he's blocked on everything all the time, but unblocked on my phone during those few hours he has her, just in case. He's in his first serious relationship since ours ended and to my horror I was devastated when I first found out. Now I just realise how much it keeps him away from me, and the more he stays away the better.

I keep doubting myself about the abuse as he has messed with my head so much. I do think he has finally discarded me, but that makes me crave him more weirdly. The trauma bond is such a horrid thing. I'm having counselling which is helping

I keep doubting myself about the abuse as he has messed with my head so much

Can you not see this for what it is? The messing with your head isn't something that stops you being able to be clear about the abuse. The messing with your head IS the abuse.

I know it is abuse, it's just at times your brain tricks you. I'm still staying no contact