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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do I leave?

30 replies

Lonleymum · 24/04/2022 11:46

Where do I start? Our relationship went bad when my OH lost his job 14 years ago! Yes 14 years it’s been up and down.
So these are the few things that trigger and I need a way out.
He is manipulating and blames me and turns things when he:
Has an outburst, purposely winds me and the children up and if we fight back he get angry and then twists it and blames us.
we was out shopping yesterday and he spoke to rudely and barked at me infront of the assistant which was so degrading. He then thought it was ok to communicate with me and then stormed out the shop like a massive kid.
He talks over me, be littles me, blames me.
When he is nice he is really kind and big hearted hence why I am still here.
I work full time but during my time off is when the bickering and arguing starts as I get extremely annoyed at how he speaks to me.
I clearly asked what to make for food and when I suggested something he pulled a face the next day he asked for that food as I was only going to make enough for me an my daughter an he then started using words like “oh so I don’t matter”, then asking for food which takes lengthy amount of time to make.
I am due to start a new place of work and I was preparing my kids clothes and myself.
We are supposed to be in the process of moving but quite frankly I don’t think I can take the digs, comments, lies, accusations he keeps making.
When I kick off he records me as he is saying it is evidence to show whoever if we ever split up.
He has cohesive controlling behaviour manipulate behaviour.
he then twists things all the time towards me and thinks he’s in the right. I wish I had a camera to show him back his behaviour.

I need to get out but don’t know how. I have no one to talk to no one to turn to. Showing this behaviour in front of our kids it’s not how I want them to grow up.

He fell out with his own family cos they didn’t involve him and he wanted to be controlling that situation and he can’t see it. He definitely is on the spectrum or has some sort of ADHD cos he doesn’t stop speaking an mainly it’s a load of rubbish.

I am worried that leaving financially I won’t be able to cope. How do I make the break?
I can get a mortgage an move but what about my kids?

I honestly have had enough as he can’t see his behaviour. I am sad an sad seeing everyone else happy moving forward an we seem to be moving backwards. I just want a happy life, no shouting no arguing and the best for my kids.

thanks for reading. How do I leave?

OP posts:
SnakesHaveNoEyelids · 26/04/2022 10:10

No idea why that posted so many times, sorry!!

SnakesHaveNoEyelids · 26/04/2022 10:11

Joys of the "new site". ConfusedGrin

Lonleymum · 03/12/2022 07:45

I’m still here as now the financial burden has taken place. The house has still not sold.

To top this off. The horrible mother in law has come to stay who did not put a foot in the house for 2 years it was bliss.

She’s been dumped on us for 8 weeks. Wants the heating on all time doesn’t contribute. She’s caused 2 fights in the house already. I think I am losing my mind.

OP posts:
ThePredictableScript · 03/12/2022 10:20

Did you tell him it was over in the end? What a shame you even worse off nearly a year later. You have children so can he not go? Must be an absolute nightmare for you

Jewel7 · 03/12/2022 11:06

Start with the universal credit site see if your entitled to anything financially. Get the money side organised. Then do you plan to move? Decide how that works. Maybe contact citizens advice with any questions. Go from there.

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