It ended several years ago and it was very unhappy. I'm doing a lot of soul searching about it. I married him within 6 months. I got all the blame for everything. He showed weird signs and red flags early but I still married him. He was controlling. He wanted me to stop seeing friends. He called them slags and slappers and bad influences.
After I had been married 14 months and sick of it all I had a few dates with someone else. He was 20 and I was 22. I am not proud of it but I didn't have sex or an affair. My husband hit me when he found out and his mother said I deserved it. He knocked me into the bed frame and my face bruised.
A song has just come on the radio and it reminds me of before that time. It was a work party at a really good restaurant. Someone's leaving party. It was only work colleagues not partners, I can't remember if my husband drove me there but I know he came to collect me.
He came to pick me up at 9pm which was far too early. He had a tantrum when I didn't leave immediately. He expected me to be watching for him turning up and to leave. I hadn't finished eating. It was a really good night. I'd enjoyed getting ready to go out and putting an outfit together. He said I was selfish and he felt like his nose pushed up at the window of a toy shop he couldn't afford toys from. He said that the reason partners were not invited was so that staff could "cop off with each other"
I still remember that evening and the anticipation. I felt like a prisoner out on day release. This was about 9 months before I "cheated" if you like to call it that. I don't know what I would call it.