I think DH wants to leave me. Terrified of 50/50 residency

[WestminsterCrabby]

I think my DH wants to separate. We haven't had 'the' conversation yet but we have had mini ones and he has made it quite clear that if it weren't for the fact that we have an 8 month old DD he wouldn't want to be with me anymore. And it shows, tbh. We are barely intimate. We argue frequently and he has a tendency to ignore me for days following a disagreement. He just doesn't act like he likes me at all let alone loves me. I think there is someone at work but we won't go into that because it's just an inkling, I have no proof. It just feels like it's all gearing up to end.

If he leaves me and goes for 50/50 residency of our DD it will absolutely break me in half. I'm tearing up right now even thinking of being away from her for half of her life. It hurts my heart. She is so tiny. I know that's what he will want though and he is a devoted and hands on dad, we share responsibilities very equally at the moment. He wont want to be an EOW dad.

What happens if I want to work on our marriage for the sake of DD and he doesn't? Is 50/50 the default position these days? I'm on mat leave at the moment but we both earn roughly the same and own everything jointly.

Sorry this is such a ramble, my head is a mess and I can't think straight.

It sounds like he’s making plans so you should start looking at your options too. If he does have this OW lined up to move on to you he will not care about you or your feelings. You probably won’t recognise him when he does leave. My exdh left when mine was 9 months old (for ow) and I was distraught at missing any time with them. It’s nearly 5 years on now and it’s not so bad - we ended up with EOW and half the holidays and tbh the break is great, I’m probably a better parent for it! It gets a lot easier when they can tell you about what they’ve done. Also be prepared that the OW will become involved with the dc very quickly - it hurts like hell but there’s nothing you can do about it. The resentment never really goes but it does get easier with time x

Thank you so much for all the replies.

@dipdye so sorry you are in the same position 💐 Losing the house would be devastating aswell, I don't think I would be able to get a mortgage on my own even with half the equity and even the rent on a 2 bed around here is 1.5x more expensive than our joint mortgage repayments. I'd be financially screwed. But that pales in comparison to losing half of my DDs life.

Reading all these posts and the realisation has hit me in the face that it's not just a rough patch, he IS treating me like shit. What if he is doing it because he wants me to be the one to end it so he doesnt have to feel like the bad guy? Why should I?

But at the same time I dont want my daughter to grow up in a toxic atmosphere where her father thinks giving people the silent treatment is acceptable. I've warned him in the past that its not acceptable to do to me and I wont have him ever doing it to or around her, he doesn't care.

Argh I just want my DD to have the best life, she would lose out on so much if we separated.