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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I’m all f’ed up on Easter Day

18 replies

Ineedtopickmyselfup · 24/04/2022 09:24

Happy Easter first of all those celebrating today.

Please give me ideas how to navigate today. I found myself with no preparations, plans and dreading to call my family and tell them I am by myself.

DP of 20 years decided to make a shitty comment a week ago along the lines of are you going to crazy again this year at Easter? Easter preparations take a few days, ie cooking and cleaning. It’s not just us, it’s every household I know in our culture. I wasn’t planning anything big, but make sure the day doesn’t go unnoticed. So I decided not to do anything, I did not approach him to make a plan, shopping list, etc. He only asked if I wanted something in particular from the shops, only because he was in passing. A few days ago I mentioned we got invited to a bbq today, by someone from the same culture as us, radio silence. Yesterday he asked if I wanted to go see either of two couple of friends who had invited us over. That was during an unpleasant conversation where I told him that I always am supposed to do and see his friends at very short notice but he can never be bothered to see any of mine. It’s also his birthday in a couple of days and took the day off to be with him only for him to tell me he was going to work. He finally took the day off as I was really upset but again we made no plans. Apparently he got invited for the weekend by a friend to do his favourite hobby but was too tired.

now I told him to do what he wants, as he always does, so he f’ed off for a walk(he did ask me to go with), and I am here alone in the house.

it just feels that all these years of me being cool with whatever he wanted to do, giving him all the freedom he wanted, has massively backfired.

OP posts:
AlternativelyWired · 24/04/2022 09:50

You're a week late. HTH.

AlternativelyWired · 24/04/2022 09:52

Ah ok, it's orthodox Easter today. I apologise. I can't make much sense of your post but I hope your day improves. Happy Easter!

CatBatFrogChicken · 24/04/2022 09:54

Why is it a shitty comment? Maybe he thinks you are OTT. But it’s your choice and he doesn’t have to be there.

Oizys · 24/04/2022 09:57

He sounds pretty horrible

I have to admit my knowledge of orthodox Easter traditions are slim but I would say get yourself some nice food and have a relaxing day doing whatever you feel like doing. Treat yourself

GrumpyPanda · 24/04/2022 10:01

Why are you sitting at home alone if you've been invited to a BBQ? If you're waiting for permission and then complaining to MN sorry you only have yourself to blame.

ProudThrilledHappy · 24/04/2022 10:03

Go to the barbecue, leave the fun sponge at home

Qwill · 24/04/2022 10:04

Why won’t you go to the bbq? You don’t always have to do everything together. Also, most people would ask what their partner wanted to do on their birthday, not take a day off and them get annoyed with the birthday person for not doing the same and then forcing them to take a day off too!! I think maybe you might be incompatible.

Notonthestairs · 24/04/2022 10:07

You've been invited out - go!

If he doesn't share your faith or doesn't enjoy big occasions then you'll enjoy it more without him.

His birthday is up to him really isn't it? I make a big fuss over mine (and organise that fuss) but DH likes a normal day with a nice meal at the end of it.

Ineedtopickmyselfup · 24/04/2022 10:08

@CatBatFrogChicken i find it shitty because it’s a regular thing for him to say something like that”what plans have you made for me again?” meaning I am the one who usually gets asked by friends to go out, and I tell him about us being invited to such and such. I do not accept invites without telling him first, but the mere fact that I mention to him about these invites triggers a comment like the one above. And you are right, it is his choice to do whatever he wants, I do not dispute that, however Easter is a time when people to do stuff together as partners/family. Why would I be OTT? He has the rest of the year to do his own thing.

OP posts:
Notonthestairs · 24/04/2022 10:16

Well what I am reading is that He doesn't enjoy the occasion/party/gatherings as much as you do and feels resentful.

You can insist but it doesn't seem to make either of you very happy.

NerrSnerr · 24/04/2022 10:17

Firstly you don't need to tell your family you're by yourself.

Do you want to go the the BBQ? If so then just go. Do you want to do something with your partner? If so, tell him and try and have a nice day.

You need to decide what you actually want to do and get on with it.

Ineedtopickmyselfup · 24/04/2022 10:18

Anyway, I did not come on here to complain about him, I just found myself in in a situation like this in Easter Day and was asking for suggestions. What happened with him was for context. And I took the day off for his b’day as he couldn’t celebrate his big 40 due to the very first lockdown, when we were supposed to go abroad. I had all in all a week off this weekend and asked him a while ago what he wanted to do since we can travel again. I will pass the BBQ as I don’t want to have to explain myself why I am going alone.

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 24/04/2022 10:21

What's the issue? Where is DP? He doesn't want to come then charge the subject

No need to be a martyr just go out

Aprilx · 24/04/2022 10:23

It wasn’t a shitty comment, seems like a fairly normal comment. And most people don’t take the day off on their birthday, that you did and he didn’t was the two of you not talking to each other about plans. I think you are making quite a bit of drama out of nothing.

Qwill · 24/04/2022 10:24

I can’t believe you want to miss out on something you would obviously enjoy because you are scared to go on your own? What’s wrong with saying ‘oh sorry he couldn’t make it’. I feel a bit sorry for your partner to be honest.

Ineedtopickmyselfup · 24/04/2022 10:33

I obviously didn’t explain myself clearly here. He gets to do what he wants all year round, holidays, weekends away. When we go away together we still go where he wants, do what he wants. Why is it so hard to understand that I would want to do something as a couple on Easter Day?

OP posts:
Qwill · 24/04/2022 10:51

It doesn’t sound like you’re very compatible. Do you have any shared interests? It sounds like a lot of hard work and drama if you’re both trying make each other do things they don’t want to do. It’s nice to do things with your partner so I can see why you’re annoyed, but is there anything you do together you both enjoy?

Ineedtopickmyselfup · 24/04/2022 15:29

@Qwill you are right, we are not that compatible. However our life together went smoothly as I am chilled and went happily with whatever he wanted. I took the day off for his bday as he usually was organising my time off and told me when to ask for AH. He stopped doing that as he didn’t like the fact that I pointed out he only used the AH for going away and not for other important stuff as well. It’s been hard to maintain friendships as he doesn’t like to socialise with other people, and yet when he does he really enjoys himself.
Our friends insist on seeing us together, which I feel is really shit tbh.
I’ve managed to get some sleep today, it’s a shame a cannot sleep all the way through until I have to return to work.
I am
at a point in my life where I feel that what I want matters as well, it’s just getting myself up and doing stuff in my own feels like such a hard thing to do.

OP posts:
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