I have a long distance relationship and I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me about 3 years ago. I won't be able to know it if the girl didn't find me through Facebook messenger when they broke up. She didn't even know that I am his girlfriend because he told her that I am his sister. I did talk to him about it and after some argument I forgave him and continued the relationship.
Last 2 years I flew to the state where he lives for work and I started living with him. That was when I found out more about him and his ex when I accidentally saw some traces left in his phone. I texted her again and everything got revealed instantly. I didn't blame the girl cause I knew it was my boyfriend who started it. I was so angry and very disappointed. I was hurt because almost everything he told me was a lie. We argued again and due to the pandemic I wasn't able to get out of the house. He didn't want to leave either so we were sleeping at separate rooms and barely see with each other as we locked ourselves in our own room. I was so stressed and cried every night. Didn't have anybody to talk to and wasn't able to focus on my work. Guess I am a fool cause I ended up forgiving him again and continued our relationship. But started from that day I became more heartless cause I planned to revenge on him and sometimes I treated him bad. I argued with him a lot over small matters.
After the pandemic over, I flew back to my state and suddenly I got in touch with my ex again. That was not what I had in my plan. Things just went naturally and the table turned around. I started my secret relationship with my ex and cheated on my boyfriend. During that time, my boyfriend started to talk about marriage and planned a lot stuffs for the two of us which made me felt so bad sometimes because I stayed with him just to make sure he feel the pain I felt.
To make it short, I actually stopped contacting my ex and re-start my relationship with my boyfriend. I told him about my ex too. He said he was hurt but there is no point to keep focusing on the past. He even told me that he is doing his best to change and in order to prove it is to live with him again. Although I can see his effort but sometimes I just can't accept the fact that he cheated on me. Every time when I see someone else picture who look like her (I saw her only from the picture), the past will come attacking me again and I will have that hatred towards my boyfriend arise. This year, we are already planning our marriage but I am not sure if I am making the right choice to continue being with him when I still have this unsecure feeling. Sometimes I don't know what to do.😔