Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Holiday romance has me feeling confused and rejected.

26 replies

sasfcla22 · 23/04/2022 16:41

I recently came back from holiday in Portugal. While I was there, I met this guy and we spent a few very nice days together (he planned out entire day-dates and meals, etc.). He was really lovely and we slept together a few times as I thought 'why not' due to the fact there was no commitment involved in the relationship. On our last date (the day I had to fly home) he told me he wanted me to come back soon to visit him and that he wanted to look into visiting me in London (where I live). He repeated this on quite a few occasions, which made me believe he was serious about prolonging a relationship with me as he had made it clear he was attracted to me emotionally and physically. He messaged me later on to see if I'd got home okay and reiterated that I should revisit him and I replied. However, I haven't heard from him since being back in the UK. I feel confused and and a bit upset about this. I don't think he's being malicious, but I don't understand why he'd emphasise wanting to visit me and me revisit him if he's 'all of a sudden' no longer interested. Any thoughts?

OP posts:
Houseplantmad · 23/04/2022 16:46

Have you messaged him since arriving home?

Antarcticant · 23/04/2022 16:47

How long ago is it since he last contacted you?

I wonder if he sees you as a potential holiday buddy/accommodation-with-benefits in London, but not as an ongoing long-distance relationship. So the next you'll hear from him is if/when he's planning to come to London, unless you contact him to say you'll be in Portugal again first.

Fine if that's what you both want, but it doesn't sound as though he wants a committed LTR.

sonjadog · 23/04/2022 16:48

I think when you are on holiday and outside of normal life, it is very easy to get caught up in the idea of a relationship, but when you resume your real life you realize that what you thought would be great when on holiday, won't actually work for you in real life. It doesn't mean he was lying to you when you were on holiday, it just means that he changed his mind when life returned to normal.

Midlifemusings · 23/04/2022 16:48

Often what people want in the emotion of the moment and chemical haze of sex is not really what is practical or realistic in the light of day with a clear head.

Is he ignoring your messages and calls?

Original poster
sasfcla22 · 23/04/2022 16:51

I was the last person to message him (when I arrived back home just letting him know I was home okay) but he hasn't been in touch since. He hasn't ghosted a question or anything like that as I didn't message anything that necessarily warranted a response, but it seems like he's not interested in continuing a conversation.

OP posts:
chopc · 23/04/2022 17:00

I think life will be more straightforward if people are more honest and true.

Take a chance and message him. Tell him about your day and ask about his. Continue the convo. It is possible he has had time to think and reflect and he no longer thinks continuing the relationship is a good idea. And you don't want to scare him off by holding him to it. However I don't see why you won't message him first and start the conversation

SpindleInTheWind · 23/04/2022 17:16

So he said, 'hey did you get home ok?' and you replied 'yes thanks'?

And that's been it?

Original poster
sasfcla22 · 23/04/2022 17:20

No, we messaged back and forth for a few hours while I was at the airport (quite long messages) and the last message I sent was a kind of jokey comment responding to his previous messages. But that's been it! :(

OP posts:
Idontgiveashitanymore · 23/04/2022 17:21

Sounds like a typical holiday romance to me. He feeds you the lines and when you’re back home he moves onto the next person.
sorry but you need to move on .

SpindleInTheWind · 23/04/2022 17:30

sasfcla22 · 23/04/2022 17:20

No, we messaged back and forth for a few hours while I was at the airport (quite long messages) and the last message I sent was a kind of jokey comment responding to his previous messages. But that's been it! :(

Sorry to be dim but which airport? The one in Portugal while you were waiting to take off?

SpindleInTheWind · 23/04/2022 17:32

P.S. I have a few relationships when I've been on holiday / travelling. A couple of them did carry on a while - it can and does happen.

Do you have his address to send a card to, if it's a phone issue?

Original poster
sasfcla22 · 23/04/2022 17:40

No when I was back in London after the flight! We messaged for about 5 - 6 hours after I left him.

OP posts:
Alightjacket · 23/04/2022 17:42

How long has it actually been since messaging? Because you've not said and avoided all posters asking that question.

Original poster
sasfcla22 · 23/04/2022 17:45

I haven't avoided the question on purpose ... I must have not read it properly in the above posts. It's been three days.

OP posts:
TheThreadisMildlyAmusing · 23/04/2022 17:48

It sounds like your bog standard holiday romance. Let it go Op, Let it Go.

BigFatLiar · 23/04/2022 17:49

Perhaps he thinks you're ignoring him?

Aquamarine1029 · 23/04/2022 17:56

Reality has returned and the fling is over. Just enjoy the memories and move on.

ilaandm · 23/04/2022 18:38

I think all that stuff like "You must visit me again" and "Maybe I could come and see you in London" is just politeness - like how people bump into an old acquaintance in the street and say "we really must meet for coffee some time" and nothing ever comes of it. It's just the standard sort of thing you say in those situations despite having little to no intention of following it through.

I wouldn't message him again OP. If he messages you - well then you can see what happens but I think it is unlikely.

LemonViolet · 23/04/2022 18:50

I have had quite a few flings when travelling. It is so much easier in the heat of it all to say you want to continue, see each other again one way or another. It is really hard to just say goodbye and that be it, when there has been genuine affection, attraction, and connection. So I think whether consciously or subconsciously we almost always say we want to see each other again to avoid having to face the awkwardness of goodbye.

I did meet up with some of my flings again. And others I didn’t.

Never mind whether he’s messaged you again though - what do you want out of the situation OP? Your posts are all a bit passive, about what he said and what he might want. What do you want?

shivermetimbers77 · 23/04/2022 18:52

What do you actually want OP? Do you want a long distance relationship with him? Or could you just see it as a lovely fun romance on holiday, let it go and enjoy the happy memories? This all sounds very normal for a holiday romance to me.

Crankley · 23/04/2022 18:59

I agree, it sounds like a typical holiday romance. One to add to your memory scraptbook.

TabithaTittlemouse · 23/04/2022 19:08

Does he live in Portugal or was he on holiday too?

Sadly you are probably just another notch in his bed post. He likely makes a habit of being romantic with holiday makers.

champagneplanet · 23/04/2022 19:23

So it's been three days and you haven't text him and he hasn't text you.

Maybe he's waiting for your text, same as you are waiting for his...

Just message him! You're adults. If he doesn't reply then you've got your answer.

Itshothothot · 23/04/2022 19:27

Does he live in the uk?

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/04/2022 19:29

Message him, you have nothing to lose.

I may be biased however, as I married mine.