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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Let down by partner and confused

4 replies

2378sgk · 23/04/2022 16:15

I got a message on Tuesday from a girl saying that my boyfriend had been asking her to meet up on the weekend etc. They had a short thing over two years ago. She sent the screenshots and it was a really weird conversation. She seemed really confused on the messages and he kept continuing the convo. He kept saying “I just want to talk”, “are you in…?”. She has a new boyfriend now and having spoken to her on the phone, she says she has absolutely no reason to even have messaged.

My boyfriend denied it all and said she’s manipulating the story. He said he was worried for her mental health, which she says has never been a problem for her.

I kicked him out of my house since I have been cheated on before and this really made me upset. The rest of our relationship has been great and it’s come as a massive shock to me and everyone else. I’ve had no reason to doubt him before but I’m really confused now.

Following the argument and him leaving, we’ve not had very much contact. The messages that have been sent have all been initiated by me, even though I am not in the wrong. I feel that his responses have been really blunt. The only thing he has messaged me is proof that she messaged first. I still don’t think that that excuses his behaviour.

I feel that his parents are having quite a big influence on what is going on but I’m unsure. He said he went to hospital but would not give any explanation, which I find extremely manipulative. I asked to go on a break but today I had enough and said we needed to talk. I have exams and it’s really quite stressful.

He couldn’t even spare 5 minutes to speak to me. He said he isn’t sure if he sees a future with me, but loves me nevertheless. I told him it’s just as unfair on me and so I’ve given him until Monday to contact me, otherwise I’ll presume it’s done. I actually can’t believe it’s been turned on me. The only thing which I have done in the situation is try to log into his instagram to prove him right, which I understand is wrong and have apologised for, but he says he cant see past the invasion of his privacy.

Does anyone have any views on this? Does anyone think he’s right to just leave me hanging? Im unsure whether he has other things going on mentally which are affecting it too. I do really love him and this is a massive shock.

OP posts:
MJ123 · 23/04/2022 16:19

Why are you chasing him? He was clearly trying to cheat on you and you're messaging him?

Please block and delete him and focus on building your self esteem.

Good luck

phizog · 23/04/2022 16:21

Oh my god, re-read your post.

Do you really think all this drama where you need to talk to another woman about what he's been upto, or check his IG, is a healthy relationship?

Cut contact with him and move on to find yourself someone who is trustworthy and can communicate like an adult. And isn't chatting up women behind your back. You will be so much happier.

SaltedCaramelIcedLatte · 23/04/2022 16:46

Why are you giving him until Monday? Take back some control and dump him. He sounds like an arsehole anyway.

He isn't making any effort to continue your relationship or reassure you.

Concentrate on your exams and move on.

Good Luck x

Cuddlemuffin · 23/04/2022 16:51

Why have you given him till Monday? You are waiting around for someone that has tried to cheat on you and blamed it on another woman's mental health issues and now seemingly doesn't have the time of day for you. End it with him so you're not left feeling not good enough for this lowlife. You deserve better.

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