Am I a terrible person? Suddenly hate DP

[WellElloRachel]

Me and DP never had an absolutely perfect relationship but I was happy and we tend to enjoy the same things. Prior to being pregnant I wanted to invest in us and us, we often spoke about kids and the future.

Now I’m pregnant I suddenly seem to really dislike him. His chewing really irritates me. I don’t seem to miss him anymore when he’s out. If I’m home before him I don’t look forward to him coming back like I used to.

The worst thing is I’ve started looking on Rightmove to find a house where I grew up…I’ve always had a vague idea of wanting to do this and suddenly I feel like I’m frantically grabbing on to things to assert my sense of self and independence.

I get annoyed with him for not saying exactly what I want to hear. This morning I pretty much demanded a sausage sandwich and he went out with little resistance and sorted it. He cooked last night and cleaned up. He washes and changes the bedding. If I don’t like the way he looks at me - if he looks exasperated for instance- I get really upset. He gets up in the night if I’m feeling sick and gets me food.

It’s almost like I’m TRYING to cause friction because I want to justify an escape. But I always wanted DP a lot and whilst I knew things weren’t perfect I was absolutely happy to be together and work towards a future. Am I a monster?! I don’t know why this is happening and it’s making me question a termination.

I can't comment on your relationship but just wanted to say that I felt like this about my DM when I was pregnant. Super irritated by her to the point I couldn't be around her. I tried to hide it so hopefully she didn't realise as it would have really hurt her feelings. As soon as the baby came I felt completely normally about her again. I think it must have been hormones, it was so strange and sudden and I'm relieved it's stopped!

Could be a pregnancy thing - it's not unheard of, especially in early pregnancy when people, foods, smells can all drive you to revulsion and you're so tired and emotionally 'different' (have you started crying at random things on TV where you'd never have done that before? That's also an early pregnancy thing. As is the most ridiculous rage welling up from out of nowhere - I had that in my second).

And it could be equally that pregnancy has focused your mind and you've realised that you don't have a secure relationship.

Either way, you aren't a monster.

If you take him out the equation, would you still want to have a child? I'm assuming you're fairly early on. If your answer is no, then, as there is a strong possibility a decision to not continue would end your relationship in any case, it would be appropriate to make arrangements to deal with this and find somewhere you wish to live.

And if it is yes, then perhaps you need to consider making plans. You don't have to leave immediately, maybe just knowing there is the possibility there could give you the time to decide whether this is an early pregnancy thing that wears off in the second trimester or whether it is firm in your mind that no, this is a fundamental incompatibility and the way forward is to plan alternative accommodation and then arranging co-parenting.

If this is a new thing I'd be pretty certain it was pregnancy related, hormones can do funny things. I had extreme rage when I was pregnant, with things that I'd never have batted an eyelid at before or now.

I had a friend who confessed she felt exactly this way about her DH (who she loved dearly) during pregnancy. She said even the smell of him made her angry. It will pass! He sounds like he’s looking after you and probably realises your hormones are running wild.

You're definitely not a monster! If this is new, I'd be wondering if its hormone/pregnancy related. Everything my DH did irritated the fuck out of me in early pregnancy, to the point where even his breathing gave me the rage. It went away

Been pregnant 3 times.. we have broke up during every pregnancy cos i cant stand him.. it is hormones

You are not a monster! I was very happy in my relationship with DP before I was pregnant, loved him very much and was overjoyed to be having a baby with him when we found out I was pregnant. During the pregnancy (can't remember at exactly what point) I utterly detested him. I hated the way he looked, the the way he spoke/walked/breathed. I couldn't bear to have him near me and I wondered what the fuck I'd been thinking to ever get involved with him. Then at some point I went back to normal, and then the baby was born and by then everything was fine. 8 years later we're together, happy, it's all good. So I definitely think the pregnancy hormones have a lot to answer for, and if you were ok with him before the pregnancy, I'd say just hold on until your hormones settle down and you come out the other side.

pregnancy is the pits and if he isnt actually doing anything wrong don’t make any decisions about him whilst you are pregnant.

I always feel rage at DH for the unfairness of it all as well - why don’t he have to have the awfullness of pregnancy etc…

I hated I mean really hated our dog when I was pregnant. Each time I fell pregnant. Thankfully it didn’t last too long for me. The dog was amazing I was just a raging ball of hormones.

When TTC I knew that I was pregnant before I tested due to the level of hate I felt towards DH. Several times.

try to chill out a bit, try some gratitude, feigning it I mean, cos you hate him.

My ex husband started to irritate me constantly when I was pregnant. Sadly it never went away. Probably one of the reasons he's now an ex!

My DH is fantastic but I felt so so angry in the third trimester/3-4 months postpartum at everyone, especially DH. It could be hormonal as whilst I am more aware of annoying things now post pregnancy, I don't feel irrationally angry all the time!