Unequal income — is it bad to pay for holidays?

[Earlgrey19]

Have been in a relationship for 6 months with someone. There’s a discrepancy in income, with me being able to afford more. We’ve been away for weekends together, just in UK, twice. I paid both times; the first time I said I would pay as he is very financially stressed, going through a protracted divorce, very little money after rent & solicitor fees. I said he could pay for a weekend when he has more money in the future. My mum expressed disapproval of this and said it sets a bad precedent. He was happy with it. I did it again, for Easter weekend, though I did say he can pay me half or can pay me in the future when he can afford it. Though it’s my impression that he thinks I treated him, as he thanked me a lot on the holiday. But I’m wondering if I shouldn’t be behaving like this — not because I don’t trust him, but if does set up something unequal. He doesn’t seem to mind. That said, I think he’d have been happier with cheaper places than those I booked. He buys me meals out, I don’t think he takes the piss. But should I stop paying for holidays? From a selfish perspective, I do want to be able to have nice breaks away with him at times.

In my experience, men in this position become resentful over time that their female partner has a greater spending capacity than he does.

As much as society has moved on, I've yet to come across a woman who has an issue with a higher earning (and spending) male DP.

I'd probably pull back on "treating" him to another holiday again until the last one is paid for, and also to let the relationship develop further without big ticket money items clouding things so early on.

Very similar situation here.
We have tried to think what it would cost for me to go on my own (as I was single for 5.5 yrs before I met my boyfriend and did holiday solo) and I pay that. So recently I paid for 2 nights dinner, bed and breakfast in a hotel and my own train ticket. He paid for his ticket and the odd drink/ nice moisturiser.

We plan to go to the Amalfi Coast in the autumn. Again I'll pay accommodation and extra luggage for my flight, he's paid the basic flight cost.

If it lasts and we move in together we'll make a more formal percentage split. But for us I am so lucky that despite my significant health limitations I can work 3.5 days in my professional job, and sometimes crash on my days off (eg today). But he works 5 shortish days, 30 hours, and his health is just about manageable. He does all he can - I think this is key as in my former marriage I paid for almost everything and was being massively taken advantage of. You'll know, OP, which side of that line he falls. Society is unfair - individuals can't fix that. I hope things work out - for both of us 💐

I've never been in a position where I've earned more than my partner and I've often been treated to meals/trips away etc by my live in partner at the time.

Just be aware that he's always going to have rent/mortgage to pay so it's surprising he can't afford that at the moment. Solicitor bill will be replaced by maintenance for his children (if he has any) so I can't see this improving either.

You are potentially going to be paying for anything above the basics for your relationship, that's something to consider. Some people are totally worth it if they are good company, and good shag and tick all your boxes.

I do the same thing OP, because I'm much better off than my boyfriend and I want to go to nice places. I have more fun going to those places with him than if I was going on my own, so I'm happy to pay. He never asked me to do this, but when I was a young woman and my boyfriend was better off than me, he always paid for holidays, so it just seems normal to me. I told him outright that I was going to pay for flights and hotels because I knew he couldn't afford it. He works hard, I trust him totally with money, and he always takes me out for meals and drinks. On our last holiday he paid for all our meals and drinks or, transport to the airport, and an excursion. The crucial thing I think is that he never asks me to pay for anything, and I feel totally confident he'd do the same if the boot was on the other foot.