I'm not coping

[sadsusie]

Just looking for some support, advice etc.

I'm in the process of divorcing my husband, who I think (or at least some of the time I think, I'm so full of doubt) has been emotionally abusive - Silent treatment, blaming me a lot, criticising me, telling me he doesn't love me "when I'm like this", saying I would feel more loved and supported if I "respected him more"....We have 3dc.

They're back today from his and I stayed as strong as I could whilst they were away but now they're back and in bed, its just broken me. I just want everything to be different. I initiated the divorce because I couldn't take it anymore (after weeks of silent treatment he did agree to couples counselling, where he accused me of bullying, abuse...) but I just want things back to how they were. That was better than this. I hate my life now.

Initially he wouldn't speak to me at all. Now he will speak about practicalities, but he won't talk about the relationship, so there's no hope. I've ruined everything.

I think I'm doing everything I'm supposed to to cope. I'm having counselling, getting support from women's aid, getting exercise, journalling, seeing friends....But I still feel terrible.

Please does anyone have any advice, words of wisdom. I posted the other day about missing the dc and the replies were really helpful. I just feel so alone and broken again this evening.

Sorry OP, that sounds really tough. You're in the worst bit now though, and you ARE coping. You're not happy, but you're coping!
You've done what you thought was best ending the relationship (and it sounds as though it was absolutely the right call) but now you're in the rubbish no man's land of not being in a rubbish relationship but not quite back to yourself either.
It sounds like you're doing everything you can, hats off to you! Maybe don't rule out a short course of antidepressants if they might help? Right now it might feel like you're just going through the motions, but keep at it, especially the counselling and leaning on those around you for support. You will come out of this and be so glad you did!

This is a hard phase. It will get better.

I think it's an instinct that makes us feel like you do now, some kind of primal urge to keep us with our co-parent. Like a lot of instincts, it's powerful but not necessarily helpful in our particular circumstances.

Keep on with 'everything'.
Be firm with yourself. Have some 'safe' thoughts you can switch to when you start thinking about him and things being as they were. You'll come through this and your life will be better.

Thank you. I really appreciate the support.