Getting kicked out

[Shouldnobetabynow]

Morning all, feeling a bit hurt this morning and could do with some perspective

Went to see my FWB last night. Been seeing him for about 8 months, maybe once or twice a month

We were cuddled up after sex just chatting when he said "I'm gonna kick you out soon". Meaning, obviously, that it was time for me to go. I was fine with going and did almost immediately as I felt so suddenly awkward but it made me feel like shit and I'm worried I'm being over sensitive. It seemed so cold and although we are only casual, we have become friends and the sex /company is affectionate, I.e. he wants to kiss me constantly, never just wham bam thank you mam.

It's made me re think things. I'm clear as day as to what I expect from this relationship, were not in love and never will be but this comment hurt, a lot. I feel used, cheap, disposable. He has never made me feel this way before.

Would it hurt you?

Not in a Fwb situation no.

But it's unsettled YOU - so maybe time to rethink if you're catching feels?

Maybe you're fonder of him than you ought to be?

Is he working today, and needed sleep?

My boyfriend and I sometimes say to each other, "Right, I'm going to kick you out now," as do some of my friends and I.

It's not something that has ever occurred to to be bothered about.

So I think it's indicative of something else. You speak about kissing and affection by way of an explanation of something. When those things are irrelevant in a fwb.

It sounds as though you were starting to read the set up differently?

This man isn’t your friend, and he has created a sense of false intimacy with you- spectacularly so to have you feeling like this. Friends don’t use their friends for sex.

I have had flings and hookup partners in the past- no judgement, but I was never under the illusion we were mates. I didn’t extend any feelings or warmth to them either. A comment like the above wouldn’t have bothered me, and I probably said worse to them.

You have clearly caught feelings, or that comment wouldn’t have hurt you- it’s a normal/jokey phrase to say as a pp has said.

This really isn’t going to end well. I wouldn’t waste another 8 months on this man. Use your emotional energy on someone who actually likes you.

Yeah sorry I agree with others that it's a normal phrase to say under the circumstances, and if it bothers you maybe you need to reevaluate your feelings.

It's something I say a lot, even to family members. It's just how I speak, and it hasn't even bothered anyone. I have a fwb at the minute and both of us have said this one time or another, jokingly and with no offence taken.

But it bothers YOU. So maybe you're more attached to him emotionally than you realised? Maybe time to have a look at this situation and see if you're getting a bit more involved than he is.

It's FWB. The only reason this would bother you is if you want more. If this is the case, the FWB stuff really needs to stop, or it's only going to hurt more and more.

tbh reading this it seems like his "with benefits" are different from your "with benefits". You are becoming emotionally attached now so either move away from the relationship or accept that this feeling a bit hurt is going to happen more and more often. You might say you are as clear as day but if you were then this sort of comment would have been taken at face value. if you were in a cafe and they asked you to move along as it was closing time would it have made you feel hurt, cheap and disposable? No of course it wouldnt and therein lies the issue.