Is this normal

[Ji888]

i Know this isn’t normal, but I’m not sure why I feel like this, but I like when my boyfriend has full control, I feel safe and looked after, I would do anything he told me to and he knows it, but he doesn’t take advantage of that, he’s the kindest and most gentle man ever, I’ve never wanted someone to just to complete control of everything and not just sexually (most of the time) I’m not sure what it is or where this feeling comes from, I’m the absolute opposite with anyone else I hate being told what to do, I hate any kind of authority, but with him It’s the best feeling ever (again not always sexual) what is this? Why do I feel like this :/

A lack of confidence in yourself maybe?

I wouldn't worry about calling something 'normal or 'not normal' but if the fact you used the word CONTROL is worrying. There is a big different to having a partner that is great at organising and deciding things as apposed to a controlling partner.

I'll be candid OP, it doesn't matter what's normal or not, the fact is you are putting a huge expectation on your partner to make all life decisions on your behalf which has you as the child and him as the adult/parent in the relationship.

What if he became seriously ill, or even worse he died suddenly? You have subcontracted out your whole life to a third party and left yourself totally dependent on them.

I would strongly advise you to seek independent therapy and counselling to gain insight into the root cause of why you decided to do this and try to develop strategies to become an independent thinker in control of your own life decisions and on an equal footing with your partner.

You're asking strangers on the Internet to fathom out why you feel the way you do, which again subcontracts this to a third party rather than you owning your feelings, doing some hard work on yourself and through that process coming away with insights to shape your next course of action.

Think it's not about you loving him less.

It's about loving and respecting yourself more.

Normal? No and it isn't healthy

I was your partner in this scenario for years, we got together early teens, which is why it wasn't noticeable but over the years I became chief decision maker, it got really really hard work as we grew up and had kids, I desperately wanted someone to take control sometimes to give me a break, he was lovely natured and I guess genuinely didn't mind and trusted me to do what was right for our family but God, I wouldn't want that sort of relationship again. So for that reason, I'd say you need to find ways to gain some confidence and some backbone (meant nicely, I realise it probably sounds harsher when reading it) please don't let him have to take the mental and physical load for you all the time....

Be yourself. If that makes you feel good ? Then enjoy it. You already said you are independent outside your relationship and don't like to be told what to do and that shows you know what controllingbehaviour is. If you like how your partner treats you then good. You like it. What everyone else thinks it's irrelevant.