way too homesick

[threeangels]

Hi All,

Well I've been here in Virginia for a little over 2 weeks and I have come to the conclusion that I want to go back home to Tennessee. I really miss my parents and brother a lot. That is the main reason but its also because it is so expensive here. I already knew before I left but I've been asking myself if I really want to pay rents that are double or house mortgages that are triple of what I was so used to paying. My dh is working in the Pentagon in DC which is something that we never thought he would come close to doing (even after college) but my kids growing up around their grandparents means so much more. Life in Tn is much calmer and slower than here. I almost got in 2 accidents my first week here. I think its the big DC city life that has everyone so rush rush. I'm just glad I made the move because even with a great job and a beautiful area I realize Id rather go back. The only thing now is doing the moving thing all over again. Its only 8 hrs away but I just got all my utilities changed over, set up a checking account and enrolled my kids in a new school and it was such time consuming work. Oh well I guess things could be worse. Thanks for all your past support everone.

Hi there

Do you really really want to go back or is it just that horrible sinking time when the harsh reality sinks in and it's just not quite perfect (and your last place inevitably will be - grass always greener etc)? I do know how horrible homesickness can be (as a child I would be actually sick and end up being sent home from camps and stuff) and have been avoiding putting our flat on the market until this week because I don't want to leave it (our first home together, where we brought ds home to etc) but we need to as it won't fit two children (and now we'll be moving at Christmas and ds2 is due in the first week of January. Maybe you should hang in there and see how things pan out in the longer term (6 months?) and it may not be so bad after all? I know I always have to be persuaded to give the new thing time to settle down and not go rushing back to the old. I hope it works out and you're not unhappy. Keep posting.

Threeangels have you definitely decided to go back and started making arrangements or is it just something you really want to do? What does your DH say?

PS Just wanted to add that you have my sympathies.

3angels. I'm sorry you're facing this dilema. I guess everyone will havea different view on this. Personally, I'm really stubborn, and tend tostick things out, determined to make it work once I've made the decision. (Sometimes I stick at it long after I should've given up).

I would maybe set a time in your head, maybe next summer, and stick it out till then, and if you're still unhappy, have a big talk with dh & kids & decide then.

In the mean time, so's you don't get too depressed try & organise visits to Tennessee eg for thankgiving/Christmas, or people to come to visit you if time & money is available.

Moving from a quieter place to a big city is bound to be really daunting & scary at first. You will adapt to the faster pace quickly (I know, you probably don't want to).

I'm really sorry, it must be desperately frustrating to be homesick. How do your kids feel about it. I suppose you'll need to be positive & strong for them, especially starting new schools, which is scary, and this must be harder if you're not 100% enthusiastic about the place yourself. Hope the dust settles for you quickly.

(ps you still trying 4 n4?)

Thanks everyone.

Bozza - I did decide last night that I would like to go back. My dh wants to do whatever I want. He always wants to do what makes me happy. Which does help a great deal.

Monkey - My son really wants to go back to live near his grandparents. He actually never wanted to move away. My dd misses her grandpa terribly but she is a much more easy going person and doesnt care either way. Last night when I ask them how they felt about going back home they really seemed to want to over staying here.

I know the normal thing would be to try and stick it out so I can have a chance to get used to it but I just feel in my heart that I would rather be near family. My mom and I have had some problems getting along in the past but were all a really close nit family which is why its harder for me living here and them there. I miss going out with my mom and hanging out at her house and visa versa. I think this move was actually a good thing because it helped me see that I really want to live near my family and that its not much better here then where I was.

My dh now has to try and find another job back down there again. He tried to get his old position back but they just hired his replacement. Wish us a lot of luck in the job hunt. Its so hard to find work these days.

Sorry Monkey - We did try a little last month but no luck. I started my monthly visitor yesterday so well have to try again. I got pregnant the first month with all 3 of my kids. I hope it doesnt take too long with this one.

It sounds as though you have a wonderful husband threeangels - perhaps you should change your name to fourangels!

Thankyou Lindy. Hes no where near perfect but he is a type of person who would rather want me to be happy then himself. I do love him for that very reason. I think I might change my name in the near future to fourangels. I just wish I knew how to do it. I tried once but it wouldnt let me.

Does anyone possibly know how? Thanks.

Threeangels, I'm sorry you're having a hard time at the moment. But this is probably the worst bit and life will start to get better. Two weeks isn't really enough time to give yourselves a chance. Setting yourself a target date is an excellent idea, and gives you some space.

You could write a list of pros and cons and perhaps each week look at them again and see how they have changed. Maybe, for example, a con is that you have no friends to chat with. Yet in a month's time you could have made a couple of pals you feel you've known all your life. Perhaps don't talk about it too much with the children for the time being, just let them feel their way for now. They'll get a big boost to their confidence if they can settle down and get on with their lives.

Hope you feel more at home soon.

SueDonim - I totally understand where your coming from and agree with the needing time. I just miss too many things where I left. I am going to a church which is nice but I miss my old church so very much.It was like my second home. Maybe I might adjust I just dont know right now. The main reason why we left is because of the job offer and I guess I'm just feeling it doesnt matter as much as being home. I'll have to think things through though.

Thanks.

Threeangles - persevere with your new Church - I know exactly what you mean when you say your old one was just like home - so was mine and that is what I was dreading missing more than anything when we moved from one side of the UK to another (I know it's not the same as in the USA but still feels a long way!) - even more than friends and family to be honest. However I made a real effort to get involved in the new one and was quickly made to feel very welcome (it was a very small church compared to what I had been used to) and my 'new' Church friends were a tower of strength when my baby was born with health problems. Good luck whatever you decide, it does sound very exciting to be in Washington though, I was there a few years ago - still hoping to be able to spend a couple of years in the States if my DH can get relocated!