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Original poster

Children's dad

12 replies

Lostsoul91 · 21/04/2022 07:43

Hi

So my EX has a history of dropping off the face of the earth for 6 months or so and not seeing or speaking to his children.

So yesterday he delacares he's ceasing all his contact with his children and blocking my number and he's going to take me to court. This all came after I disagreed with the children sharing a room at his new flat which I will add is an hour away from his children. They are 11 and nearly 9, boy and girl and one is ASD.

Anyway I agreed to court and said I wanted him to do more with them as I had been asking him to do for year's. So now he's declaring "Mental health" issues and how could he possibly have them more, when he can't cope now. Which is nonsense.

Anyway I guess my question is what grounds do I have to not allow him to just waltz back in when he fancies again and also name changes? I would like to change their surnames and have done for year's. This obviously depends on how the children feel about it. But could I possibly do this?

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 21/04/2022 08:16

Unless the court deems it to be in the child's best interests, if he has PR, then you would need his consent to change their last names. I changed my son's last name when I married (his choice) but his father didn't have PR and I had to sign a declaration to that effect.

Original poster
Lostsoul91 · 21/04/2022 08:27

Unfortunately he is on the birth certificate, I wasn't sure if I would be able to due to the fact he has been consistently in and out of their lives.

OP posts:
Looloohoohoo · 21/04/2022 08:30

if he has a 3 bedroom flat, then yes I agree it should definitely be separate rooms however, if it’s a two bedroom there’s not much he can do about them not sharing a room although I do totally understand that they should have their privacy.
if you have proof of him being inconsistent with taking them and going off the radar that will help in court BUT they courts are more than likely going to give him a chance and impose that if he doesn’t take them on the agreed days and times or does another bunk without reasonable excuse then they will not give him another chance.
I think you should 100% leave it to the courts to sort out if he tries to come back wanting to spend time with them again. That way everything is documented and agreed and you don’t have to worry about “being the bad one” etc etc.
I don’t think you can change their surnames properly but I’m sure you can do it for school etc.
my mum had my brothers name changed at school to her name even though he was still his fathers name legally.

EatTheToast · 21/04/2022 08:33

See if he'll agree to it. At the end of the day if he wants no contact with them then really he shouldn't have a problem with it. Sorry so many men are such utter cunts.

Original poster
Lostsoul91 · 21/04/2022 08:38

My point was she does not want to share a room, so I said if she wants to sleep in the living room she should be allowed to. It's 4 nights a month. He doesn't see them in the week by his choice.

I've got it all documented we've been to mediation twice, he's had to have supervised contact as advised by solicitors and SS etc so there is a history there. Lots more has gone on he hit out daughter, she went to counselling at school, abusive to me etc so loads more.

It's more I'm sick of him prancing in and out like he can pick and chose. If we go to court then that's fine I'm not overly fussed as it means he might actually stick to an agreement. Just fed up with him tbh and the fact he thinks he can do what he wants

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 21/04/2022 08:43

Lostsoul91 · 21/04/2022 08:27

Unfortunately he is on the birth certificate, I wasn't sure if I would be able to due to the fact he has been consistently in and out of their lives.

I'd speak to a solicitor first and see what the likelihood is. I doubt it though.

GreyCarpet · 21/04/2022 08:45

It's more I'm sick of him prancing in and out like he can pick and chose. If we go to court then that's fine I'm not overly fussed as it means he might actually stick to an agreement. Just fed up with him tbh and the fact he thinks he can do what he wants

Without court mandated contact, this is entirely your choice.

You don't have to let anyone have contact with your children if you don't want to. The onus would then be on him to seek a court order.

Original poster
Lostsoul91 · 21/04/2022 09:38

He's just so selfish. I don't think he will willingly sign the paperwork. He sees them as his property so even if he doesn't want to see them he wouldn't want them to have my name either. If that makes any sense.

Just hard having to pick up the pieces of the kids being upset and hurt again.

OP posts:
Looloohoohoo · 21/04/2022 11:33

At the moment I think the name change is probably not going to make a massive difference to anyone’s life, change it at school if that’s what the kids want and deal with the official change later.
if he’s hit your daughter before and he’s not willing to be a better parent or even allow your daughter to sleep on the couch voluntarily (this sounds weird and controlling) then sounds like they are better off without him, block his number and if he wants contact go he can go to solicitor and ideally hold off to go to court instead of settling for an agreement.
your oldest hasn’t got long before they can legally change their name without consent of a parent anyway. But it’s something that you can ask your solicitor about and if he signs the papers great if not then the kids can make the choice when they’re old enough.

ChoiceMummy · 21/04/2022 12:05

Lostsoul91 · 21/04/2022 08:38

My point was she does not want to share a room, so I said if she wants to sleep in the living room she should be allowed to. It's 4 nights a month. He doesn't see them in the week by his choice.

I've got it all documented we've been to mediation twice, he's had to have supervised contact as advised by solicitors and SS etc so there is a history there. Lots more has gone on he hit out daughter, she went to counselling at school, abusive to me etc so loads more.

It's more I'm sick of him prancing in and out like he can pick and chose. If we go to court then that's fine I'm not overly fussed as it means he might actually stick to an agreement. Just fed up with him tbh and the fact he thinks he can do what he wants

A cao simply states when you have to make the children available, it doesn't mean he has to have them!

The bedroom situation, could go either way tbh. But most likely that daughter has bedroom and son sleeps with dad.

Surname, without his consent no chance of changing. Though at 16 they can do as they please.

Flakjacketon · 21/04/2022 18:50

Sorry if I have missed something but what is he taking you to court for?

Moochio · 21/04/2022 19:39

Can't he just see them separately if rooms are a problem?

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