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Original poster

Anyone else's parents completely indifferent?

11 replies

PersonalClown · 09/01/2008 18:35

I had a lovely chat with my best friends mum today. I hadn't seen her since before christmas so she asked how my birthday was as I had made a big effort for her daughters 30th and I said that it passed by without any form of celebration.
She was shocked that my family didn't ring or turn up to wish me happy birthday. I knew they wouldn't so I hit the sales with my best friends and all the kids.
If I didn't have Ds, I'd probably only see my family when they want something.
I go for a week without seeing my family and then it's only small talk. We don't phone or text.
It's kind of depressing, really.

Anyone else's family just completely indifferent to your existence?

OP posts:
LilRedWG · 09/01/2008 18:36

Mine aren't quite that bad, but yeahit feels as though my parents forget I exist sometimes.

Original poster
PersonalClown · 09/01/2008 18:38

I have 2 brothers and it seems like they can do no wrong.
I suppose I should be grateful that they don't interfere!

OP posts:
Saturn74 · 09/01/2008 18:41

I have two younger sisters that are very proficient in making their needs perfectly clear to my parents.

I, on the other hand, sort of think that if I'm a grown up, I should be able to look after myself.

So my sisters are too dependant on my parents, really.

And I am too independent of them, so am at the bottom of the pecking order, and often feel missed out. (Well, I'm not really bothered for myself, but AM bothered for my DCs).

I am learning to ask my parents directly for things eg: babysitting requests, now though.

At the age of 38.

Original poster
PersonalClown · 09/01/2008 18:46

Hmmm thanks HC. Maybe I should start.
I'm finally staring to feel comfortable with who I am at the age of 29 (maybe that's the trigger? approaching 30?)
I've started to dress how I like not how I think I should, so a lot of punk/emo/skate/alternative is taking over my wardrobe and I'm beginning to really stand out from my chav of a family!
(I'm serious, Some of them are sterotypical chavs!)

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 09/01/2008 18:55

Oh yes; mine are like this as well. We are all civil to each other and they think they try but they're basically indifferent as both parents and grandparents and have different priorites - namely shopping, holidays, running around after childfree younger brother.

It's been more acute to me when seemingly most of the other mums brought their own parents along to the infants christmas play, I did ask my parents along but they made some poor excuse not to attend (at 9am it was too early).

I was always the nice reliable one who could be trusted to get on with things and therefore be safely ignored while they ran around after my lazy arse brother (this has become more apparant in recent years). Therefore I am left very much alone.

Original poster
PersonalClown · 09/01/2008 19:23

I can't expect my brothers to be too bothered. They are 20 and 23!
My parents aren't even 50 yet but are well into their mid life crises(?)
My dad is obsessed with his latest fixer-upper Harley and my mum seems to be trying to recapture her youth. She drinks more than I did in my teens!
Seems to be the same with me. I was the reliable one so must be ignored. Even when I had my major depressive crashes (PND and Ds' ASD diagnosis)
Oh well. Life coud be worse.

OP posts:
Saturn74 · 09/01/2008 19:31

I wonder if it is an eldest child thing?
I'm the eldest, and definitely the most independent of the three of us.

Original poster
PersonalClown · 09/01/2008 19:43

I don't know maybe. But my parents have been disinterested for most of my life.
Have never known them to take an interest in my life. Maybe that's why I'm almost 30 and still with no idea about what to do with my life.

OP posts:
Original poster
PersonalClown · 09/01/2008 19:44

Too many 'in my life' s there.
Wallace and Gromit on repeat from 4pm has addled my brain!

OP posts:
BroccoliSpears · 09/01/2008 19:47

MY parents think they care, and in their own way I'm sure they do, but they're not actually interested in anything I do. They "don't have to worry about me" apparently. I probably speak to them for about 20 minutes once a fortnight, hear all their news and then they have to go before I get a chance to bore them with any of my stuff. It makes me sad. It makes me angry. Then I get more angry with myself that I even care - I'm a grown woman, surely I don't need my parents' approval? If I relate to them as adults who I know well and get on with, we're fine. We share a glass of wine, swap interesting news, catch up and move on. If I want them to be my parents in any way I am left feeling silly, needy, humiliated, guilty, frustrated and rejected. So I don't expect that of them any more.

hk78 · 10/01/2008 00:10

yes mine are like this, i have got used to it though

it used to upset me much more, but now
i now look at it that, if we wanted to see eachother more - we would. but we dont, therefore it must be for the best ( i think)

they were quite indifferent to dd's at first as well, although that has got better lately.

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