does anyone have a more insensitive man than mine!

[keepbelieving]

Me and my man are trying for a baby but not unlike many couples it is taking its time(two years of trying) and age is not on my side. Anyway last evening discovered that my period had started and with it came the usual rush of overhwelming disappointment. This coupled with the fact that my man and I've not been "intimate for at least a week which is unusual for us. So there I am feeling all down and well you know...emotional so I having climbed into bed I gently tap my man as I need a cuddle. After some pretend sleeping he eventually grunts to signal he's awake. "What" he asks. "darling turn round". I say. I need a cuddle right about now, not a lot to ask is it; no long talk no argument....just a reassuring cuddle and maybe a kiss on the forehead thrown in. Well. You would have thought I had asked for him to get out of bed walk a mile in the rain with his shorts on and get me ice cream!!!.

"I'm tired". he grunts so horribly I wonder if its the same man. "please darling turn round". "Im tire and I wont forgive you if I cant sleep. Now remember the reason he's tired is because for the last two nights running he has insisted on staying up late to watch a dvd past mid-night which of course he was not being paid to watch so this "tiredness" is completely self inflicted. Furthermore he preferred to watched the dvd rather than be "intimate" with me. But unrelenting I persevere because I'm not looking for an argument remember just a cuddle.

He was the coldest individual you could find. Having told him I had just started my period and that I was feeling a little down I had to ASK HIM to cuddle me after several what seemed like minutes and then it was just to get me to shut up. A girl can tell. I must have said something else again not argumentative - honestly - and he storms up and says he will sleep downstairs if I don't leave him alone. Do you know the bit that really hurts is that I begged him not to leave me, not then. I needed him. I didn't want to argue or a long discussion I just needed his shoulder to cry on. Literally. He stormed off downstairs and that's where he slept and to top it all didn't speak to me in the morning got dressed and left for work. This can't be love. Can it......!

Yes, I'm sure he loves you.

I realise you are hurting, but remember this is his life too.

I bet he is feeling bad. Just as it is awful for you to not have conceived, it is awful for him to not have impregnated you!

It sounds to me like he was upset himself and not able to give you the support you needed at that time.

It also sounds like maybe the pressure is getting to him - hence the watching dvds at night (avoiding intimacy).

Perhaps he feels a failure.

I know that is shitty for you, because you want, need and DESERVE some tlc. But perhaps if you see the other side of it, it will help you?

you poor thing, i really feel for you. my DH drove me mad when we were ttc, he could be so cold about it and unfeeling, Hecate is right though, he felt bad too but had a completely different way of dealing with it. i hope you can have a chat with him about this maybe? i found i couldn't rely on DH for support every month when i got the stupid period. i had to use my sister instead. xxx

PS also i should say we tried for 5 years, hated the fertility clinic, gave it up, and after it nearly sending me mad and splitting us up we decided to quit. already have a darling DS and so said 'ok, lets get the 2 seater roadster DH has always wanted' and bam - it happened! i'm now 24 weeks and my neighbour calls the car the Roadster IVF!
best of luck to you xxx

Sadly, I can imagine my husband doing exactly the same. Once he gets fed up, he'll sulk, once he sulks, I get frustrated that he's not talking to me. Ends up as an argument. Horrid.

I tend to wait until he's back to normal then raise with him what an insensitive git he's been. Try and talk to him whilst he's still being an arse, and it gets me nowhere.

I agree with hecate. also, and I realize this is going to sound harsh, but this is not just about you.

Men are under an enormous amount of pressure when ttc. They are expected to have sex on demand because "it's the right time/it's my fertile time/I got a positive ovulation test/we have to do it as much as possible to make a baby", it almost stops being about having a loving relationship and turns into a production line where the man is expected to perform miracles. And if the man isn't in the mood/is tired of having sex on demand he is often accused of not being as committed to having a baby as the woman, when in actual fact, he probably just doesn't want to be treated like a sperm doner for the first week of the month and then cast aside once the fertile time is over, only to be called upon again to lend emotional support when af arrives and he has failed to make his wife pregnant.

We have been ttc now for over 2.5 years, and my dh has a low sperm count. I no longer get upset when I'm not pregnant, partly because it's not unexpected for my period to arrive any more, but partly because dh blames himself massively for our lack of a 2nd child, and I feel it would be very insensitive of me to make him feel worse by being all upset about not being pregnant again.

Have you tried just relaxing? forgetting about trying to conceive and just being together as a couple?

if you've been ttc for 2 years have you saught medical help?