What % of marriages, started by an affair, last the distance?

[PurpleToeNail]

Thinking of two family members, who laugh about the circumstances under which their marriages started. I'm so appalled at their lack of conscience I'm going LC & wondering how many years they'll last?...

I’m sure that lots of posters will be on to tell you that very few do and that anyone who cheats will be condemned to a lonely life of misery or the ‘when a man marries his mistress he creates a vacancy’ etc. Of course that will be true in some cases. A member of my family definitely fits into this group! However, I can personally think of several couples who were trapped in unhappy marriages, left to be with the OW/OM and are happy with that person many years later. Without getting into the rights and wrongs of the situation, in my experience men in particular rarely leave a relationship without somewhere to go. I’d be wary of the statistics on the failure rate of marriages starting as affairs as well, these usually come from organisations such as Relate whose business obviously relies on couples surviving affairs. I am a firm believer in nobody knowing what really goes on in anyone else’s marriage and whilst I might not approve of affairs, I certainly wouldn’t be judging anyone for having one. Nobody is perfect and what happens in someone else’s personal life is their business.

With the woman that gave birth to me, hers lasted 20 years till he died. She left 10 children with my father.

People say "oh it won't last" to make the cheated on spouse feel better (I don't mean that in a bad way). But every affair couple I have seen, have lasted quite a long time. I don't think there is any way of knowing whether they will last or not. Every relationship is different, no matter how it started. Everyone wishes that people will get their karma (or whatever you want to call it) but it very rarely happens.

I think there are several kinds of affairs. Some people enjoy the thrill of it and yes, for those, there's probably a "vacancy" and they'll soon be after the next thrill.

But I also think there is a large group of basically decent people who found themselves unhappy and making poor decisions. Those can learn from their mistakes and go on to be happy long term.

I think a lot of effort can go into 'proving' that the pain and devastation caused was worthwhile because:newlovestory.

Yet I've more frequently seen it drag on for two years and then finish in a bit of a sad ending, either drama or fade-away.

Mine did and has lasted 35 years. It wont end because of me.
It would be a better question to ask the average length of marriages after affairs and not. It is some commitment to marry after an affair - it doesn't have to follow.