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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Need help - toxic marriage over

3 replies

Focusonthegood · 20/04/2022 20:57

On good Friday during a blazing row both agreed the marriage is over. Haven’t spoken since other than me receiving more verbal abuse.
we have 3 young children. I can’t leave and he won’t leave as we can’t afford alone. My mum offered me to move there with the kids but their primary school is 20 miles away and they like being at home.

below is my list and I am struggling with how to cope having to be around this person. I also am struggling with how to let go of hoping to get an apology which I never will.

Want to open up to close friends but they would be shocked and I think this would make me more upset right now.

Said to me:
Fucking prick multiple times
I fucking hate you
I can’t stand you
I would have left ages ago if it wasn’t for the kids
Don’t know how to treat a man
Fridged bitch
Rages
want to find a new girlfriend who can satisfy me

No apology for texting another woman flirtatiously- tried to brush it off as nothing
No apology for smashing my work iPad in anger when I called his sister to expose his behaviour.
Lazy in the mornings only deals with children late in the day when has to.
Slept in bed while I play with kids at weekends after he has not seen them all week while working.
Too harsh and obsessed with minor things eg curtains left open and the light on
Doesn’t want to socialise together & blamed this on me for being “annoying”
Zero communication about issues, tried to talks previously earlier in marriage and just got ignored for Netflix

OP posts:
Focusonthegood · 22/04/2022 08:57

OP posts:
wonderingwhat2022willbring · 22/04/2022 09:32

This sounds awful, OP. I'm so sorry.

Do you own or rent your house? Just wondering what will happen with it, thinking about your mums kind offer of you moving in with her. It sounds absolutely toxic being in the house with your husband.

Sounds like you need some legal advice about what to do with the living arrangements? Hopefully someone will come along who can offer some practical advice. I really don't know much about legal stuff but if you are going to have to move at some point I wonder if you may as well move to your mums and the children may have to change school, it's hard to say without knowing more. But living with your ex being so vile will not be good for your children or your mental health.

Aquamarine1029 · 22/04/2022 09:37

You can't possibly move to your mum's fast enough. The kids can change school, they will be fine. What will really damage them is staying in that house with such a toxic, abusive atmosphere.

Gather your things and get out.

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