Wasted time on someone horrible

[blossom10370]

around two years ago I met someone and really fell for him. Everything felt right, I thought we had an amazing, once in a lifetime connection.

around a year in he started behaving strangely, going hot and cold, and playing mind games. At the time it really felt like he had pulled the rug, I was really upset and spent months feeling confused and hurt.

I stopped seeing him but we stayed in contact, and a year on from him starting with all the mind games I’m finally realising it was all a bit of a game to him. I feel like such a fool, I held on for so long because I thought what we had was genuine, and I’m now realising forming that imaginary bond was all part of his manipulation, which he probably does with every woman he meets.

now I’ve had this realisation I feel quite crushed at how much time and emotional energy I spent on him. He isn’t a nice person and I can see that clearly now. Should I just cut contact and try and entirely forget about him? I feel like I’ve spent two years invested in an unkind and manipulative person and now reality has sunk in, I feel quite lost.

thanks in advance :(

It’s only the past week or so I’ve realised it’s all been fake and a waste of time, I am sleeping really badly and feel so stressed out about it all.

Absolutely cut contact! The more you worry about how much time you have wasted on him, the more time you are wasting on him! Be thankful it didn’t develop into a longer relationship with marriage or even kids. You have the freedom to move on with your life.

You say you’ve wasted time on him, but turn it around… you’ve learned something! Use the negative as a positive!

you didn’t do anything wrong other than give someone a chance who didn’t deserve it.

choose to turn the page, put him where he belongs- in the past - and move on.

we’ve all made mistakes, but he was the one who blew his chance. You’re a great person, but wasted on him.

when someone shows you who they are - LISTEN - the first time.

don’t lose sleep over this. This isn’t on you.

Yes cut him out. There are lots of manipulative people out there and this experience has taught you some valuable lessons. If you learn them it will help you enormously to choose healthier relationships going forward. His behaviour is about him not you.

Thanks for your replies. The final nail in the coffin was last week when we hadn’t spoken in several days, and he sent me a random text message which was really vulgar and explicit, just clearly checking I was still an option for a shag if he wanted. I haven’t been sleeping with him thank God, but the text made my skin crawl and really opened my eyes to how he saw me, and the fact our ‘connection’ was just his way of keeping my interest and having some power over me.

I’m going to cut contact and not bother with messaging beforehand, I can see now that there’s absolutely nothing to gain from any further communication.

I feel really stupid, all the signs were there that he was a waste of my time but I felt so invested because I genuinely thought we had this connection. He said stuff which I now realise is a load of shit - never felt this way about anyone, bla bla bla.. and I actually fell for it all because my feelings felt genuine.

I don’t really have any advice other than to sympathise and say I am going through the exact same thing at the moment, actually sounds like the same man. Manipulative man I’ve wasted 5 months on, who has ghosted me and come back twice before and is now ghosting for a third time. Do you follow lalalaletmeexplain? She might be helpful.

If you feel stupid after a year… imagine how you feel when you finally dig yourself out of a relationship where you’ve been in this shit for 10 years….

youre not stupid, you’re embarrassed and possibly ashamed.

but you’ve done nothing wrong

I also got dumped three times in as many months…. By the same guy who I had this amazing connection and ridiculous chemistry

my friends reckon he was bi-polar and another said they agreed and told me his tale of woe to illustrate how lucky an escape id had

learn from this. It’s not a bad thing, not really. I promise you. Trust me on this. You won’t always feel like this.

I agree with cutting contact. Any explanation you provide him with will be turned back on you being over sensitive/needy/paranoid/mistaken whatever…and before you know it you’ve been reeled into place again.

You’re right. Keep the faith. Lose this waste of time.

See it as a positive. You have gained enough self esteem to realise he has been mistreating you and you choose not to let him any more. There is nothing bad about this realisation. Nobody goes through life without making mistakes. Learning from them is the point, and you did. Block him and draw up some standards for yourself, in your mind or even on paper or a private note on your phone, about what you will and won't put up with from now on.

I understand. I wasted many, many years with my ex even though I knew he wasn't right for me. I regret it, but I've realized that sometimes it's easy to stay than to leave. And now I'm free to meet someone else if I choose to do so. So be very grateful that you only spent a couple of years with him, you still have the rest of your life ahead of you. And you've learned not to waste time on anyone again, as soon as you feel like something is wrong move on, don't put up with it.

Oh that's really rubbish.