too much time together

[timjohn123]

I've been seeing a great woman for coming up to 3 months now. We're exclusively dating and everything seems to be going well.

I just wanted to gauge, by this point is there a standard amount of time we should be spending together/away from each other?

We initially agreed to 2 times a week but last week we saw each other 3 times and this week its going to be 4..I balance my social life in between so its not a huge issue but I'm concerned on dating burn out where we make things intense and then end up splitting up because we moved to quickly..

I want to respect her space and have had conversations about her being open about time alone, hobbies, friends, etc. But she's suggesting meeting in between dates to cook me dinner, sleep over, etc..

Also I'd like to know by this point should we be discussing deeper topics? We keep things pretty light and fun with every so often dropping in personal things like past relationships, upbringing, the future, etc..

If you feel good together, then why don't you want to spend more time together but not two times a week. It is great that you have good relationship.

Given that some couples spend all their time together, and some see each other very infrequently, how do you think the 'should' gets decided? Who gets to set the guidelines?

Well my DH and I moved in together after 3 months and have now been married for 12 years. I don’t think there is too much time to spend together really but if you are worried about dating burn out already then this is probably not a long term relationship anyway.

Where do you see this relationship "going" ie down the route of marriage and children and how old are you?

This relationship seems very scripted!

As PPs have said, I don’t think there is any ‘should’ about things! See how you both feel, and enjoy it, but don’t rush to give up other social habits and hobbies too quickly. Serious discussions should also develop naturally, and will do as you spend more time getting to know each other, IME

I think the concern on burnout is more on my part as she hasn’t flagged any issues (she’s going the opposite direction by trying to see more of me and planning dates weeks in advance)

I love time with her and have no issues with that but I’m also aware In her last relationship she was controlled quite heavy without having much of a personal life by her ex boyfriend so I’m just trying to consider her feelings, space and needs away from me as much the time we spend together so she’s satisfied.

we’re both 31 yrs old. I feel we’re compatible, interests, hobbies, sex, energies. It meshes together well.

I agree there shouldn’t be rules/guidelines. We usually plan dates weeks ahead and we’re in a good flow.

I’ve been out of the dating game for a bit and haven’t had something like this since my last relationship so I’m just trying to approach it the right way

If you want to consider her feelings, consider her feelings, rather than looking for objective rules about what you're meant to do. She might be a person who likes to spend lots of time together, she might be a person who likes lots of space. We can't tell you how she feels.

Do what feels right to you, rather than trying to amend yourself to fit what's 'right'. There is no right. What's good for you may or may not be good for her, but you have to be yourself. If you both find that the same patterns are good for you, then that's compatibility.

It's not that there shouldn't be rules/guidelines, it's that there aren't.

Adults decide their own rules/what they like/what they're (un)happy with. Children look for someone to tell them how to do things right.

Make your own rules/guidelines. Find someone who fits in with them. That's what taking responsibility for your own emotional life looks like: finding people/places/things that fit you, rather than trying to 'get it right', as if someone is watching and judging. Nobody is.