Trigger warning dv. It's long sorry xx
I could do with some girls help on advise with a new relationship? How to not let my history with my abusive ex mess this up?
Anyway. I was with my ex for 10+ years....a long time. We have kids together.....it wasn't always great tho. There was alot of domestic violence from him to me, him cheating and at the worst times when I was at my lowest. When I lost our baby an the night I gave birth to one of our kids to name only 2 times of the many many other girls he slept with an had relationships with behind my back
Along with the physical side of things there was mind games an stuff. Things at the time I didn't realise wasn't right but I look back on now and think.....yeah that was messed up, he's been to prison for assaulting me. I've had social involved (no longer are) and such ...I see now I was in a abusive relationship. I didn't at the time. I do now.
Anyway finally managed to leave....and without getting beaten up or my house smashed up. I wanted to leave before...for a while but was always too scared due to having him smash the house up an me when I tried to end things or ask him to leave etc. So was in a way easier to just keep quiet an stay. But......it was impacting my kids.....I couldn't keep doing it to them.
Me and the kids are much much much happier. Took me a few months working on myself but I finally found me again, happier an a better parent to my kids. I feel like myself again.
After I took time to myself, took a few months an help from friends and family and my gp etc but im getting there. I've started casually seeing a guy, we met online, have tons in common, have mutal friends.....honestly instant connection like we've known eachother for years. However I'm very wary of getting hurt again.....of letting him too close.
I've no plans to introduce him to my kids (like I'd have to date him minimum 12 months before I even consider that....after all the crap in my past....just can't trust too easily again)
Now the problem at hand.....I had no idea but apparently I must have some issues from my time with the ex, while spending time with the new guy, he moved suddenly while facing me, I wasn't expecting it and flinched like he was going to hit me......he obviously wasn't an he looked like a dear in headlights. So did I. I had 0 clue I was going to do that. Like totally unexpected. He apologised profusely (he knows some of my past but not all.....too early on to tell him everything) but yeah....was awkward af and now I feel terrible!!
So yeah......how do I not let my past creep into this new thing with this dude? He's honestly like the boy version of me, it's odd how alike we are and although we've agreed to be casual we both agreed not to see other people an in a few months to chat about it again an see if we wana date properly type of thing .... he knows I've a messy history with my ex an I know he has his oast too so we've agreed not to take it too fast with eachother....but we do like eachother.
Any help and advise would be massively appreciated xxx