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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The manipulative boomerang is back. Do I tell her

7 replies

Hesback · 19/04/2022 23:33

Some of you might recognise some details.

The manipulative affair friend is back. The one who assaulted me last year and because of the trauma bond has led me right back to the worse of us over his last two months. I thought it could be different and regain some sort of friendship after what I believed was an honest remorse of his actions, how he said he didn’t realise what he’d done and misread the signs.

He’s still doing domestic bliss with his latest victim even told her so clearly everything last time and she chose to ignore. She’s let him move in. Totally blind and thinks it’s love.

I’m ready to break ties. I’m done with him pulling my strings. Done with his using all my energy and abusing the care I’ve showed him when he deserves none of it.

Do I just block and know he will attempt further contact if not now but months or years down the line ( past behaviour shows this will happen).

Or do I light the fuse and tell everyone everything. I’m actually thinking of relocating.

OP posts:
Hesback · 19/04/2022 23:35

I’ve done therapy. I understand myself and my weaknesses more now. I just seem unable to build the wall and boundaries back up quick enough.

This man will kill me one day either through my mental health or his own hand with his control over me. There is no police action to be had at this stage.

OP posts:
Hesback · 19/04/2022 23:51

The way my friend sees it is you’ve told her before. He still didn’t hate you enough to stop wanting you yet doesn’t care about you enough to stop seeing you. When you don’t do physical he sees it as a challenge. You care too much to cut him dead.

The caring man you fell for died a long time ago if he ever even truly existed. He has always used you for his own needs above yours.

OP posts:
Skiptheheartsandflowers · 19/04/2022 23:54

I don't know the back story but these sound like people to stay well away from, on what you're saying here. Can you go back to therapy to support you in blocking all contact?

Hesback · 20/04/2022 06:08

Thank you. I think I’ve exhausted the therapy. It was session limited as referral specific to the incident although we did explore other aspects of the relationship too.

Even if I do get him to disappear it’s me too that craves him like a drug. I’m so strong and capable in other areas of my life and I know what I’d say if this was someone else but with him I just have no stop or protection.

OP posts:
supercali77 · 20/04/2022 06:44

The story you are telling yourself 'he's like a drug' 'i can't stop' wont be helping. He's just a person, a person who gets skidmarks and has bad hair days like everyone else. Unless hes a superhero with 23k gold penis youre giving him far far too much power.

I dont properly understand what's going on from your op. Did you have an affair with him or something? Either way It sounds quite melodramatic and if I were you I'd get very practical and brass tacks.

Is he useful?
Is this making you happy?
Is this a good use of your limited time on earth?

Hesback · 20/04/2022 08:17

Is this a good use of your limited time on earth?

No. No he’s not.

OP posts:
interest12 · 20/04/2022 11:05

How ridiculous and over dramatic. If it’s not making you happy then step away. Am I missing something?

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