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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My partner and his ex

9 replies

holly12435 · 19/04/2022 21:41

Hey girls!

So I have a topic I want to talk about. My partner has a ex girlfriend and they have a child together. Her and her partner had an argument and she called my partner to tell him what happened. She text him New Years telling us happy New Years ( he ignored ) and he ordered his daughter an iPad and was going to get his ex come to our house and let herself in to get it ( when no one was there) there's just little things like this what really bugs me. It's fine if they speak about their daughter just I don't want them talking about other things? I've told him this bugs me. Am I over thinking or is it red flags.. xx

OP posts:

GeneLovesJezebel · 19/04/2022 21:42

I think it’s a red flag on your relationship if you don’t trust him.

QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 19/04/2022 21:47

I think it's nice that they get on and can Coparent well. That's the aim isn't it? So many parents when they split up end up acrimonious and being friends is the ultimate goal?

It's not like she was texting him asking if he wanted sex - she wished you both a happy new years? If you don't like it, well, that's your feelings and can't be helped but I hope that he continues to be amicable with her despite your misgivings.

Original poster

holly12435 · 19/04/2022 21:55

Like I said in my post.. if they talk about their daughter that's fine. Coparenting is better than nothing but what I don't like is when she is coming round the house when we aren't there to let herself into our house to get something..

OP posts:

QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 19/04/2022 22:01

But that was your partners idea wasn't it? I think that's reasonable of you not to want that. Why does she even have a key to your house?

Original poster

holly12435 · 19/04/2022 22:03

He told me to leave the key under bin when I went to work so she could let herself in. I feel like that's not acceptable at all

OP posts:

QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 19/04/2022 22:08

Well no, I wouldn't like that either. What did he say when you said you didn't want to do that? What has he said about their relationship, does he think it's too friendly etc?

Original poster

holly12435 · 19/04/2022 22:09

He said it's for my daughter as it was her iPad. He said there's nothing to worry about and he doesn't think the relationship is too friendly

OP posts:

carty1313 · 19/04/2022 22:55

@holly12435

Hey girls!

@holly12435

How long were they together ? And how recently have they broken up. ?

Of course a healthy Co parenting relationship is great for the child. However I share your concerns regards communication outside of that. She has her friends and family whom she can talk to regards her personal issues. It's a boundary that I wouldn't like to be over stepped.
I'd be cautious. X

supercali77 · 19/04/2022 23:33

If you're living with him you've every right not to want someone just letting themselves in but seriously....her texting happy new year to the 2 of you is unacceptable? I mean each to their own but this seems quite draconian. He can't really police whether his daughters mum wishes you both well. Whats he going to say? 'don't you dare wish us HNY' 😂

I guess her calling him to vent about relationship issues is a sign of friendship beyond co parenting. If you really see this as a problem( any kind of friendship ) then you need to just say that and he can decide if thats ok.

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