Pregnant and broken up with

[Jcc87]

Hi. I am feeling so broken, I have been with my fiance for 3 years. He proposed at Christmas and we have been excitedly planning our wedding.
I thought I wanted to have children and when I met him I was surprised to find he did not.
After lots of deliberation I decided to carry on the relationship child free. He wanted to have a vasectomy (aged 30) but I suggested he wait in case anything changes for him so he didn't. We have had some ups and downs but mostly we have a good relationship and I was happy to have a fulfilled life without children.
I have the copper coil and had no intention of ever getting pregnant unless he ever changed his mind. Last week I found out I am pregnant. After having two early pregnancy scans they cannot find my coil and everyone is a bit baffled. I was hysterical because I knew my fiance would act terribly and he did. He was in shock and went crazy and said lots of nasty things along with the obvious waiting me to have a termination.
I am 35 and did not think this was going to happen. I just don't want to be forced into doing something I don't want to do.
He decided he would try to be a good dad but after the second scan today told me he cannot do this asked me to put our house on the market and cancel the wedding unless I have a termination.
I feel completely numb. I have got home from work and he has moved into the spare room.
I feel completely helpless I don't want to force anybody to do anything but at the same time I did hope he would step up to the plate. His parents and friends are standing by me but I am so terrified to do this alone. I need some words of encouragement from those that have been in a similar position.

What exactly are you terrified of doing alone ?

OP you need time and space to think about what YOU really want to do. If you make a decision based around what he wants you may live to regret it. With family support you will come through this ok. Be kind to yourself. Best wishes with whatever you decide. xx

What an arrogant twat to think he can bully you into a termination to stay with him.

If you want your baby go ahead, it will be fine, you have your family support.
Let him live his miserable life alone if he can't step up. However if you did decide not to go ahead, he really doesn't deserve you.

If you terminate a baby you want, your relationship is dead anyway. You will never forgive him and the resentment with kill any feelings you have for him.

Decide what you want to do, you absolutely can do it alone if that’s what you decide you want to do.

He sounds vile anyway, blackmailing you to terminate or he won’t marry you? Is this really the kind of man you want to spend your life with?

He sounds truly awful. Trying to bully his fiancée into a termination is appalling.

Op, whatever you do the relationship is over because he has shown himself to be a vile bully. He will leave no matter what you do.

It's a such a hard one but I think for the the relationship would now be dead regardless of keeping baby or not. Saying nasty things and basically forcing you to chose him or the baby is terrible and would make me not want to be with him anyway. Make your own choice on baby, for you, not for him. But ditch the wanker regardless of whatever choice you make. Just to add, I had a termination and I've regretted it ever since, even having other kids after I always wonder what could have been.

Hi @Jcc87, I’ve been in almost this exact same situation. Unfortunately your relationship is over either way. Having someone put this pressure on you that they’re ruining their life is horrendous. My ex accused me of tricking him and begged and cried for me to abort. I went ahead and had my baby and I haven’t looked back. Please look after you and don’t give this twat another chance. 💐

I think you should be thanking your lucky stars you didn't marry this shitbag of man. He's acting as though it's your "fault" that you got pregnant. As though he played no part. He's a pig.

Remain pregnant or don't, it is absolutely your choice alone, but do NOT stay with this man. He's reprehensible.

and for you op, this must be horrible.

I agree with pp, your relationship is finished either way, given his vile behaviour. So it’s just down to whether you want to continue with the pregnancy on your own. It sounds as if you do.