Does it help or hinder to stay in contact after break up?

[Jackinthebox5]

I am currently going through a break up, we lived together for 3 years and I have moved out. We split up because of different wants for the future but apart from that we love each other, would have stayed together and we enjoy spending time together. Since I moved out we have been in contact every day so in one way it’s helping ease the pain but it also doesn’t feel like we have really split up. I feel like I’m on holiday really. I think deep down we both are hoping the other one changes their stance on the future. But that won’t happen either side. I also don’t think I could be continue to be friends & see him with anyone else although neither of us are even thinking of meeting anyone else right now. My head is all over & i’m just not sure what the best way is with regards to contact?

Stop contact for now

No contact. Regardless of what you want, it's the best plan.

If you want him back, changed, he needs to feel he's lost you. If you don't want him, why keep him dangling?

Nc... No head space at all imo..
I threw exh out 10 years ago. Never saw or spoke to him since the night before!!

I think it's really tricky.

On one side, stopping contact immediately can feel like you've had your heart broken but at the same time but you adjust to life without them sooner.

On the other, you are gradually getting used to the separation but it will take much longer to adjust.

If you are both feeling the same, could you not suggest mutually not contacting each other for say, a period of a few weeks so you can both get your head round things but equally you both know the person hasn't disappeared forever?

I know a lot of people will tell you to just cut all contact and move on but when neither of you have done anything wrong it can be quite difficult. Being aware of your feelings around contact is the most important thing right now and having a break might help you decide how you feel.

It always hinders in the long run. Break free!

@WhoppingBigBackside That’s how I’m feeling, like we aren’t really feeling the effects of us splitting up because we are in constant contact, we probably speak now more than ever! But it’s also helping ease me into this. Sometimes I just miss him so much & then I get a message off him & I feel happy again. It almost feels like when we were first dating again when we used to live apart but message all the time. It’s just strange. I know he loves me & it’s not what he wanted to split up but at the end of the day he also let me go. @ThistlesAndUnicorns I was considering saying that to him, that maybe we take a few weeks off contact to truly face up to the reality.

"...also don’t think I could be continue to be friends & see him with anyone else although neither of us are even thinking of meeting anyone else right now."

Men are pretty good at compartmentalising things and moving on quickly. Don't be surprised if he "meets someone new" soon and your contact ceases to exist.

Maybe even trying a few days off might help, then it's not as daunting as weeks.

Or you could arrange certain times of the day that you will have contact, like a quick call at 6pm to check in but nothing in between.

Really there's no right or wrong way and it's up to you both how you manage this. I'm sorry you're going through this though, it's so difficult to break up with someone you actually like and have had no real animosity with, but you know it's just not going to work.

You might be able to be friend in the future but there will need to be a shift in the way you think about him.

That will happen over time regardless of what you do, really. There's nothing wrong with easing yourself into it, it just means it might take a bit longer to get to that point.

Delete/ block. Rip the bandaid off. Far better in the long run.

You absolutely need to stop contact and move on with your life, and that's for both of you. You'll be stuck in this weird purgatory forever if you keep communicating.

It's over. Allow it to be over.