To leave partner - becoming abusive

[Olivia91789]

My partner has always had a temper / got angry quite quickly, and I have told him he needs to get support for this. Although it hasn't been anything major and I've never felt like he would hurt me. We have a child together.

Today he was playing on a PC game and I went to talk to him upstairs about mortgages he wasn't listening so I went over to his computer chair and started joking with him to get his attention - he normally finds this funny . Anyway he told me to stop (as he had died on his game) walked out the room shouting and came back in and grabbed me by the throat for all of 5 seconds but it felt much longer. I have red marks around my neck . I ran downstairs in utter shock , he tried to come down and apologise I said he hurt me so he began shouting and went back up. Now I'm sat here thinking over the weekend he also done something sexually which I didn't want / said no to . The next day he apologized I thought he just got carried away. But I'm not wondering if it's a sign he's starting to get abusive. I don't know why I'm writing here , I suppose I just need to tell someone.

Even abused children love their parents OP. You need to think about how he’s going to grow up copying his Dad’s behaviour. Definitely go to your parents. He will do this again.

Go to your parents sweetheart. As soon as you can.

Your DS needs your protection from this man. Toddlers love everyone, sweetheart.

Please go to your parents. Have your dad return with you to gather up all of your belongings. Maybe your parents could go with you to the police.

You need to make a report, or in the eyes of the police the incident didn't happen. Keeping silent about this protects only the man who could have killed you. If someone walked up to you in the street and strangled you, you would report. Think of your H as a violent, dangerous stranger from now on, because that is what he is.

Your home is now a place of danger for you and your little one.

You do realise that on average, two women A DAY are killed by their abusive partners.

He could easily have killed you - grabbing someone round the throat is incredibly dangerous. Please get yourself and your dc to safety immediately, and then call the police.

OP - he's going to turn this around very soon to tell you that YOU were at fault b because he was in the middle of a game and you didn't listen to him that he wanted to finish etc.

He's right that perhaps that wasn't the best time for a chat about mortgages. But here's the very very important part that you MUST internalise before he starts on at you..... it doesn't matter what you did, him attempting to throttle you is NEVER okay. NEVER.

I don't think it's a coincidence this is after the sexual incident because now he knows he can get away with stuff. I also don't think it's after a situation when perhaps you were being a bit inconsiderate .... it's all fuel for him to convince you that YOU are the problem, not him.

Oh im so sorry OP
These bloody video games!? They talk about them destroying children's lives but look at this? Hes cracking up and not controlling his emotions because he didnt want to stop and give you attention?
Thats good that you have had the sense to record your injuries
Id leave for the moment, go to parents and decompress and get your head straight.
Youve said his behaviour is escalating- how much worse can it get? He knows the lines both sexually and physically have been crossed- he will push and push, now.

Its a shame hes a good dad- hell use it to break your defences , but remember the next time the child interrupts his gaming...?

Im stuck with an emotional abusive man ( he was often sexually "bossy"/coersive too) as i have no where else to go, no parents to turn to - so please, allow your family to take care of you both

Do please call 999.
Get police.
Make statement.
Include everything.

If you do go to your parents ( Do it. Take your 2yo too.) please DO NOT allow ANY messaging from abusive partner.
DO NOT give him a chance.

Do not be responsible for the guy who did this.
Don't allow an inch to get sweet talked and reeled back in.

I also think you should call the police. If you don't do it now, you'll end up staying.

Yor child deserves to have a happy & healthy mum, and you deserve it too. Staying with your partner is not conducive to this.

Police NOW

This will escalate

Go to your parents with your little one, tell your parents everything, call the police and make a statement while your parents watch your little one.

He has sexually assaulted and physically assaulted you in the last few days. It's rapid escalation and me who put their hands around a female partners throat in anger are statistically 6-7 times more likely to murder that female partner.

Please don't stay with someone who could at best destroy your confidence, self worth and damage your child's views of relationships and life in general by focusing them to live in an abusive home... and at worst murder you.

You say you have parents you can run to and that financially you'll be ok - lean on them and thank the universe that is the case and that you have an escape route away from this abuser.

You poor thing, you can do it

So sorry to read this. Given that you are ok financially, I recommend that in addition to the police, woman's aid, as others have already advised, that you get a lawyer. He'll start trying to get to you via your child... it's best to be prepared in advance.

You've had pretty unanimous advice here, OP, I really hope you are able to act on it. Strangling someone in anger like that is so incredibly dangerous - he could easily kill you, or leave you brain-damaged.

Please don't give him a second chance. Keep yourself and your little boy safe.

Thanks everyone for your support. I have drove to my mum's tonight with my DS and I am going to go and stay with my Dad over the weekend so I can figure out next steps to protect us both. And sort out living arrangements for us etc.

That’s a good update
Hope you slept well and your family will be supportive of you

Your life will be so much easier moving forward if you report this to the police ASAP. You will regret it if you don't.

Well done OP. You have 100% done the right thing.

Please think about informing the police.