Is it me?

[Chilliandchocolate]

I seem to have friendship issues and I’m paranoid it’s me.

I never seem to have had a group of friends who I can enjoy nights out with. I do have friends But I had children much later than they did So now at a different ‘stage’ if you like.

My main issue is that if I ever invite anybody to do something they agree and say that would be great and then pull out.

It really, really puts me off organising anything because I feel I’ll end up looking a complete fool.

Is it something about me? It’s getting to me a bit now.

What is the reason they give for pulling out? If I were you I’d just be upfront with them and ask if everything is OK.

You could open up to them if they’re good friends and just say you’re feeling a little low and could use a good time out, can they let you know when they’re free to do something?

A lot of posts of here are quite passive and people post here having kept super quiet etc when just opening up to your friends and being honest could make all of your worries go away?

It’s varied between illness, DC illness and just a ‘oh sorry don’t think I can make it after all’ - that one did sting to be honest.

And @peachsweettea you may be right about passivity but you do need to bear in mind that if I want to keep friendships, then it’s very easy to create an awkward atmosphere by challenging people or demanding they give more detail.

I didn’t mean you demand more detail from them about why they can’t make your plans - I just wondered if you knew, eg, did they give an excuse when they pulled out etc. is it the same thing each time?

If they were true friends then asking them if everything is OK as you notice they’ve not been available lately shouldn’t be awkward or make it so, if they are your friends they will be able to talk it through with you and explain or put your mind at ease?

But they are available - just not if I try to organise anything. If I asked, I’d just be told oh no I really was I’ll or similar so acting as if I don’t believe them isn’t great really.

Maybe they've just moved on and don't really want to be friends any more? Do they invite you to do things or do you find you're the one putting in all the work? If you're always the one making the effort then perhaps it's time to step back and find some new friends. If they do still invite you to do things though then maybe their excuses are genuine.