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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Relationship behaviour advice

20 replies

elyse100 · 19/04/2022 10:20

Hi I am just looking for some advice. I am recently separated 4 months and I met a new guy. We were talking for a while and he blocked me out of nowhere for 3 weeks. He got in touch and said it didn’t feel right at the time so we started talking again and met up, he then started going cold and blocked me again a few days later. I was blocked on everything for 2 months until he unblocked me and started talking to me and told me he had had time to think and wanted to be with me and get to know me better so we met up again, yet 2 days later blocked again. I have tried to contact on a different number he reads the messages but no reply. All the time I was blocked I see him around and he smiles or still looks at me. Could anyone give some advice because I genuinely do not know what to think. Is he playing games is it control because I have never experienced anything like this before.

OP posts:

DebtheSander · 19/04/2022 10:24

He’s a head fuck.
He’s doing this because he enjoys it.
And he’s probably married or in a long term relationship.

Take control of this situation and block him. You do not need to let him play you like a puppet on a string.

StrangeCondition · 19/04/2022 10:25

I wouldn't have entertained him after the first blocking, do yourself a favour and fuck him off

Original poster

elyse100 · 19/04/2022 10:27

Thank you. I know he’s not in either as I see him daily and know where he lives but the behaviour just isn’t right. I have wondered if it’s controlling behaviour.

OP posts:

JustaMirage · 19/04/2022 10:27

You’re not still interested with him treating you like this are you?

Original poster

elyse100 · 19/04/2022 10:31

No I’m not. It’s just hard as I see him daily. It’s more I just couldn’t understand the behaviour, because he was very full on and told me a lot about his personal life. So just confused really.

OP posts:

Watchkeys · 19/04/2022 10:32

Why do you care why he's doing this? What difference does it make if he's doing it because he's an arse, or because he has a problem, or because his phone blocks people without him knowing... what difference does any of that actually make to you? What difference will it make to how you progress things, here?

Jagertoddy · 19/04/2022 10:34

Trust your instincts. This isn’t right.

Original poster

elyse100 · 19/04/2022 10:35

Just wanted others opinions really maybe someone had experienced similar behaviour. I know how I’m going to handle it but was more curious on peoples opinions.

OP posts:

Watchkeys · 19/04/2022 10:48

But if it doesn't make any difference to what you're going to do, why are you wasting your time picking apart why he behaves the way he does? People spend their lives trying to work out why people treat them badly, it's a very poor use of time.

If they treat you badly, they're gone, and you're off doing something that feels good, rather than analysing the crap. It doesn't matter why he does it, and ultimately, you'll never know, you can only guess.

merryhouse · 19/04/2022 11:05

He's an idiot, is my opinion.

Also, how long was your previous relationship? 4 months doesn't seem very long to be getting into Complicated Stuff with someone new.

springbreak22 · 19/04/2022 11:17

Do you work with him?

inmyslippers · 19/04/2022 11:21

Why would you invite this behaviour into your life? Block delete and move on

Original poster

elyse100 · 20/04/2022 11:59

No I don’t.

OP posts:

Knutface · 20/04/2022 12:12

Who knows? But I guarantee that he is not giving you this amount of headspace!

My guess would be that he is messaging others, looking for something ‘better’ and gets back in touch with you when he gets blown out. Move on, if you are new to modern dating expect to come across a few men like this.

MzHz · 20/04/2022 12:15

Who gives a shit what this behaviour is! It’s not acceptable to you, so find your pride and delete and block him from your life and go back to the way things were before you knew him, blank him if you can/have to, but just leave it there.

CamsPaisleyCuffs · 20/04/2022 12:23

The only thing you need to understand is that this is not the behaviour of a mature adult who's int he right place for a relationship.

Don't give it any more headspace. Delete from your phone and your life. Utter fuckwittery. There are plenty of men out there who aren't like this.

GreyCarpet · 20/04/2022 12:26

elyse100 · 19/04/2022 10:31

When someone behaves like this, you don't try to understand it, you remove them and their behaviour from your life.

I'm utterly baffled that you entertained him after blocking you. And not once but twice (if I understood your op correctly).

shmess · 20/04/2022 12:32

Just block him then it won't make any difference whether he blocks you or unblocks you.
My guess is he's got a few women on the go and that some of them (yourself included) are plan B women to take up with when something goes pear-shaped with someone else he's after - hence the blocking and unblocking.
Don't be anyone's second choice - get him blocked and that's the end of it.

Did you shag on the occasions when you met up? He could be just using you for that.

DoItAfraid · 20/04/2022 12:49

Watchkeys · 19/04/2022 10:32

this is really good advice. Take it OP.

thecatsarecrazy · 20/04/2022 21:02

He's an idiot and likes playing mind games. Block him.
I met a guy and within 4 weeks I was blocked 3 times. He's a coke user and an idiot. This guy sounds as bad. Get rid op seriously.

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