What is my boyfriends mum doing here??? If anything!

[Motherissues1]

So I’m pregnant, almost 11 weeks now.

I said to her this morning oh we have the date now for the12 week scan. I’m lucky it was on my day off but would mean boyfriend would need to take 2 hours off work if he wanted to come. It’s his first child and my second so he more then likely would want to come. I’d like him to come but if he can’t then that’s ok.

First thing she says to me before I said anything about him coming or not was, he will be at work but theres nothing wrong with just looking at the pictures when he gets home. Yeah I know that! I said it would be nice for him to come and just got the same in return.

Same thing with the booking in appointment she just comes out with you can go to that on your own…yes I know that and I’ve said to him I’ll go alone it’s a simple quick one nothing to see.

I had a miscarriage before this pregnancy so I’m a little scared I go and something is wrong with the baby. I’ve not said this to anyone but you’d think she would be a bit nicer to me.

Stop telling her anything.

Ask your OH if his mum is speaking for him, if he doesn't want to come he should just say so.

But mostly, close the door on her and discuss this with him before the baby arrives. If your problem is her that is one thing, but if it turns out to be him, then that is another.

Fingers crossed she's just overly invested and takes the hint.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. From experience with my own MIL, just nod and grin and don't get wound up. You might as well practise it now as she might be like that when the baby arrives and it'll carry on annoying you otherwise. If nearly everything she says irritates you, just don't tell her what is coming up.

My MIL is incapable of having a thought and keeping it to herself so DH just didn't tell her anything or she'd have a commentary on whether we were being premature by decorating the nursery before the baby was here etc etc or she'd start chiming in.

Stop telling her so much. How often do you see her? Is she pleased about the baby?

It’s most definitely not coming from boyfriend. He is very supportive of me. I’ve tried hard with his mum. When we told his parents she didn’t say a thing or really look at me.

I am an ex victim of abuse and had a really bad 10 year relationship before and my daughter does not see her father, court ordered so she may not think I’m good enough.

Does he see how his mum is?

Just wondering. Mine never had any illusions about his mum, so whilst he did try a bit too hard to maintain family contact, often at my expense, it was something e talked about, worked through together.

Is she not just trying to reassure you that it's ok to go on your own if he can't be there?

Obviously we don't know the tone from your post but you will.

Perhaps @girlmom21. I remember a conversation where she said she skipped her wedding dress years ago as she said it was ugly. Perhaps she is not very emotional and practical minded.

You are entitled to have time off work for pregnancy scans, although your boyfriend’s would be most likely unpaid

I’ve tried hard with his mum.

Stop trying. Her turn. You're her grandchilds mother, you're worth a lot! Either she sees that or she doesn't, but trying really hard won't change her.

Stop trying to please her.

This is your life, your experiences, your existence.

Why should she foister her views, theories and expectations on you, you have a right to live your life how you want without her advising you at every point.

Age does not equate with wisdom.
Do it your own way, in your own style and be you !

Silly woman.