How would you feel in this situation?

[FabulousFlamingo]

Prompted by discussion on another thread, I just wondered how you'd feel in this situation.... One of my closest friends was having an affair for 2 years and split with her husband 6 months ago. She has blown her and her family's lives apart. I have tried my absolute best to be non judgemental and support her as much as I can as it's all been very messy. Her behaviour goes against every single one of my values so it's been very hard at times. Could you still be friends with someone even though deep down you can't support their actions?

Althought it would have absolutely nothing to do with me m, if a friend did this I would struggle to be friends as I feel that would somehow be accepting of their behaviour.

I also find people whobhas affairs, or are the OW/OM are more likely to lie about other things given they are so good at lying at their affair. But some people have low morals and shitty characters.

Sounds like you’re judging her and to be honest, that’s not a friend. If you don’t want to be her friend, don’t be.

Do you know why she had an affair ? Did she fancy a bit of extra fun in a happy marriage or was she deeply unhappy due to her husbands behaviour?

I don't think there's a definitive answer. My opinion would depend on a number of factors but it'd change the friendship.

I couldn’t, knowing how much pain she has put her partner and children through. For her own selfish ego boost. Nope. Not someone I could be friends with.

May sound like a stupid point but … did the affair cause her to split up (left him for another man), or, was the affair the product of an unhappy relationship (she would have left anyway).

People split up, and it’s painful, but sometimes it’s the right thing to do.

I had a close friend who had an affair - I didn’t judge, just supported. Her husband treated her dreadfully.

@FabulousFlamingo

Prompted by discussion on another thread, I just wondered how you'd feel in this situation.... One of my closest friends was having an affair for 2 years and split with her husband 6 months ago. She has blown her and her family's lives apart. I have tried my absolute best to be non judgemental and support her as much as I can as it's all been very messy. Her behaviour goes against every single one of my values so it's been very hard at times. Could you still be friends with someone even though deep down you can't support their actions?

From what I know of this situation, yes I could stay friends. People will always make decisions you don't agree with and do things that are moray questionable - it doesn't make them bad people. Unless there are numerous other things she is doing, or she shows no remorse for hurting people (which would say a lot about her character), I would remain friends

Depends. Is she a nice person who messed up? Or is she a rotten one who generally acts like a dick and takes no responsibility for it?

I'd look at the way she treats ppl overall. If she was generally nasty or even just a bit shit then I wouldn't jeep her as a friend.

Really interesting to hear all your opinions, thank you! I'm hopeful with the right support she will find her way through her difficult situation and will ultimately be happy. That's all I really want for her 😊