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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Back with ex

7 replies

Fullofbadideas · 18/04/2022 08:12

I recently got back in touch with an ex boyfriend. He was the first person I loved and it was all very difficult when we split - 9 years ago. We were both 19 and treated each other poorly.

Is it an absolutely stupid idea to consider getting to know him again? He is unrecognisable from who he was then, as am I. On one hand I don’t want to be taken in by that and on the other he was a literal teenager when all this happened.

OP posts:

Nouveaunew · 18/04/2022 08:18

Unless something horrible happened, why not Try it and see what happens …

Original poster

Fullofbadideas · 18/04/2022 08:44

@Nouveaunew nothing horrible happened but it took us both years to get over it. He said some unkind things over the last few months and I could be quite manipulative and I think we brought out the worst in each other.
I would never be like that now and he just seems completely different but obviously that could be an act. I guess it’s just because we were so young it seems silly to judge a man of nearly 30 on his actions when he was a teenager.

OP posts:

Nouveaunew · 18/04/2022 08:47

Tread very very carefully so. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. A few low-key dates to start with maybe?

seensome · 18/04/2022 08:57

After healing and moving on, I'm not sure I'd be brave enough to try again after all that time.
Have you met up with him yet? meeting him in person again will probably give you a better idea.

Original poster

Fullofbadideas · 18/04/2022 20:20

@seensome yeah, we’ve met up. It didn’t feel fraught or weird or anything.
I think that’s the worry. If we go for it and it doesn’t work, is it just going to be insanely painful again…? I haven’t ever felt pain like when we split up.

OP posts:

seensome · 18/04/2022 22:10

Date him and see how it goes, you dont have to rush into anything serious straight away, you are older and wiser now to recognise if it's not working then just end it in a grown up way, and accept it just doesn't work as a relationship between you. On the other hand you may have grown up enough to sort out the issues you had before. It's the risk you take.

Watchkeys · 18/04/2022 22:42

I think that if you're concerned that 'nice him' might be an act, you're starting from a place of suspicion. And if you're scared that this going wrong would be worse than an attempt at a relationship with someone else, you're starting from a place of fear.

Why not try to meet someone with whom a relationship wouldn't start with baggage?

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