Husbands cancer diagnosis

[Fairyfolks]

Hello everyone

A few months back I had hoped I would be here asking for advice on becoming a mama and now I’m here with a very different question!!
Myself and DH are on the TTC journey. We have 4 embryos in the freezer ready to roll. Waiting on AF to come to get the show on the road and then this weekend happened.
Good Friday, DH went off with one of his friends for the day. Not unusual at all they have a boys day once a week. So I did groceries and housework. In the middle of putting away groceries he rings me to say he will be late home. He then tells me he isn’t with his friend. He told me that 9 months ago he found a lump on his testicle. He ignored it for a little while but then went to the doctor who referred him for scans. They didn’t like what they saw and so he went to a consultant privately to get checks. Well it turns out he has testicular cancer.
He didn’t tell me earlier so I wouldn’t worry. We were going through the TTC bull and he knew I’d halt it all to get this sorted.
I’m devastated. Horrified that he received such awful news alone. Annoyed that he put himself through all of this alone for so long when I’m here. Just scared for him mainly.
So I guess my question is, has anyone been in a similar position? How did you help your spouse/partner through it all?

He’s adamant he doesn’t want anyone to know. I respect that it’s his body and his choice. He does have 2 brothers and a dad. His grandad (paternal) died from cancer in the 90’s. They are not sure what cancer he originally had as he isn’t from the UK or Ireland or Europe. When his grandad was diagnosed the cancer was everywhere. I feel that he should tell them as it would be good for them to know long term for their own sakes. But again that’s his choice!!

I just want to help him. He has said I’ve been quiet and grabbing for him at night in bed all weekend. I’m terrified for him. He’s my whole entire world. If someone told me in the morning to give up my life for his I wouldn’t think twice about it.

I keep hearing that Testicular Cancer has a huge survival rate and that’s keeping us going! I just wish it wasn’t a bank holiday so we could meet with doctors earlier than Wednesday!!

Ps:
We went down the IVF road because I have PCOS (mild) and we were TYC for 2 years with no joy. The TTC can wait. Our little embryos are in a freezer not going anywhere!!

Until he gets to know what stage it is you can't make any decisions,but he can bank sperms before any treatment so that you have options if the embryos you already have aren't successful. My exh banked sperms before he started a chemo drug for his MS, he went once a week for about a month to the clinic. Testicular cancer has a very good success rate for treatment, you both need to sit down with the consultant to discuss the next steps.

My husband would do something like that too, thinking he was sparing me but instead of being able to process it step by step you now have so much to deal with all at once and I am so terribly sorry you are going to face this, but at least you will face it together.

I guess all you can do now is take your lead from him, of course you should have your emotions and feelings but if he wants to deal with it privately and quietly for now I guess you have to respect that. If he doesn’t want to talk about it maybe ask if you can confide in a friend because you do? I wonder if he didn’t tell you because he thinks you knowing will make it feel more real or worse some way if he can see the fear in your face? We have a saying in our family that a problem shared with my DM is a problem doubled because then you have to deal with her stress and worry as well as your own.

I wish you both so many best wishes for minimal treatment needed and I hope you both fulfil your dreams of a family in the near future. X

OP. I'm not going to tell you not to worry yet. But please do consider that with early detection and the right treatments, the survival rates are very good for Testicukar Cancer, Testicular cancer is highly treatable, even when cancer has spread beyond the testicle.
The type of testicular cancer determines the treatment and prognosis. The stage helps determine what treatments are best. Depending on the type and stage of testicular cancer, your husband will be offered surgery, chemo or radiation (or some combination)
Please try to stay positive.

My nephew had his testicle removed due to cancer over 10 years ago . He refused to go back for further treatment or checks as he was scared what they might say . He appears to be fine . Hope your husband has caught it early

My husband aged 42 at the time had stage 1 testicular cancer. He had it removed and replaced with a “dummy “ for cosmetic reasons. He had a few rounds of radiotherapy and that was it . Got tegular check ups then all finished after 5 clear years
Same as your man he didn’t tell anyone (apart from his brothers ) Hard for me to deal with the initial scare and worry with no one to talk too. But I had to respect his wishes.
As previous post said, wait until you get staging then you’ll know from consultants the way forward. Once you’ve got a plan you’ll feel less at sea. Very best wishes. Xx