I’m new to mumsnet so apologies if this is in the wrong section.
I have a worry and maybe if I write it down or have some advice, I might feel better.
I am an adult (35 year old) only child. I am married (although the marriage has been up and down but hopefully on the right track now) and I have a very small family. I only have my parents and a couple elderly relatives such as my Nan and great aunts. Although we get on, I am not particularly close to my husbands side of the family and we live a couple of hours away from them.
I am worrying about the future. I know that this is a lot of ‘what ifs’. But it terrifies me.
I worry about when my parents are old or pass on. They are my everything. Now I know everyone has this worry, but once they are gone and my elderly relatives are gone, I have no one. I don’t really have any close friends. I’m one of those people who has a lot of people to go for a drink with but doesn’t really have anyone who goes out of their way for me or who checks in on me. I have had covid the past week or two and I haven’t had one friend see how I am.
I have my husband who is supportive but we had a very rocky patch during covid and although things are back on track, I worry about this too. We are both ‘older’ (he is in his mid forties) and we don’t have children yet. We would like children but because of our bad patch it wasn’t the right time and we both want to get things straight before we start trying. As we are both older, this may be difficult, who knows, but hopefully we will be able to have children.
But I am scared of the future. I have no one. I’ve always wanted children and want children for many wonderful reasons, but I worry if we can’t have children, I will be totally alone. And this sounds silly but I think i need to write it-if my husband goes before me, I will be a very lonely old lady who will probably have no family and will die alone and my cats will eat me (exaggeration I know!) but I hope you know what I mean.
Anyway, I just can’t shake this worry. I’ve had this worry for years and it just seems to be growing, like a cloud getting darker over me. I try to make better friendships with people so at least I feel I have friends who would be there for me but it’s very hard to do this as an adult. Everyone seems to have best friends who are like sisters from childhood and unfortunately I don’t.
I am usually a positive person but this is one thing I find really worries me. I just can’t shake it.
I don’t really know what I’m looking for in response to this. Maybe others feel similar? Maybe someone has some wise words?
Thank you for reading 