A week of no contact. Need hand hold

[Strawvanilla]

I've been so good for a week, being strong and not that bothered but tonight I'm struggling.
Life goes on and he's not in it. No daily messages, no good morning or good night texts.
But I know it's for the best. He never really cared about me or in fact in the cold light of day treated me with kindness.
I feel really sad and I'm cross with myself as I should have called it months ago but I got to the point where he had to show me how little he cared for me to be cross and walk.
Does that make sense? I'm rambling

It does make sense and it will get better. Well done for seeing him for what he is and calling it a day, it takes strength to do that.

Life not only goes on but life gets better

Once you've shut the door on something you know is not working you're opening yourself up to the many multitude of positive possibilities out there.

It may not feel like it now. But this is a good thing. And it will get better.

Stay strong. You're doing great

Thank you. I wish I could stop crying tonight.
I just feel so sad that I'm not going to feel special to anyone again. I did some online dating a couple of years ago which was awful and I can't do that again. Met this guy through a hobby and that now is going to be awkward too.

I'm so sorry OP. It's so shit until you meet the right person. And then it's so easy, I promise you.

Stay strong.

I feel your pain. Been a week here too. I feel acutely lonely.

I wish I could say it will all be ok. Of course I know it will....but.....

@GlitterSquid

I feel your pain. Been a week here too. I feel acutely lonely.

I wish I could say it will all be ok. Of course I know it will....but.....

for you glittersquid it's bloody awful isn't it. I think I've been angry until today and I've kept in mind the things that made me cross when he showed me how unkind he was to me. But perhaps because everyone has been with their partners today / this weekend and I feel quite lonely. I see my exh living his best life and seems to have a great relationship with his gf and I'm wondering what's wrong with me.

Remember that the rush you would get from getting a message is short lived, and it's just that - an adrenaline rush from a tiny bit of attention. That's all - and that isn't worth it if you're putting up with being treated badly.

Go to bed early - tomorrow is another day. Fill your time, every hour you keep busy is another hour that you're not messaging him

xx

Wait.
Wait till tomorrow.
Just get through today.

I’m with you too Op. half an hour at a time without thinking of him. We can do this 💪

I understand your pain  @GlitterSquid sending you hugs too

Would it help to write down all the reasons why it wouldn't work? Why he was wrong for you?

It did with me. You always remember the rosy lovely bits of the relationship.

But then I'd remember oh yeah he voted Brexit and was a totally misogynistic Bumhead. And that made it easier.

Sorry if that sounds light and frivolous. I do understand how hard it is right now. I wish I could make it go away right now. But I promise it will get better

Another one here who gets it, I'm also a week in. My friends have been amazing trying to keep me occupied but when I'm on my own the loneliness is horrible and I have a constant queasy feeling.

To make things worse, he's left me for someone else. Except he hasn't yet left properly, he's sodded off for the weekend but will be back in the week until we can sort out our living arrangements.

And he keeps texting me occasionally, I keep telling him I'm no longer his problem to worry about but can't bring myself to tell him to knob off as I desperately still want to be with him.

Well done to you for going a week without contact though, you're being really strong and you should be proud of that.

I totally feel your pain. It’s so hard to end things when you still care about someone. It helps me to imagine what would happen if I did contact him. I run through the conversation in my head where he doesn’t take any responsibility for the hurt he caused, (or the 4 months it’s been since we last spoke) and then I imagine trying again, with all the same issues, the same pain and problems, but with the added bonus of him lording it over me because I was weak and caved. Then I imagine my friends and familiy’s reaction when I tell them I’m giving him another chance!

It’s awful because online dating feels so brutal and unappealing, but I know that realistically my best chance of meeting someone else is going to be on the apps. But I know I’m not ready for that, so I’m concentrating on myself, building a life without him, planning for a future revolving solely around me and my DCs, not him. It’s scary but also liberating. You can get though this and build a good life for yourself, which may or may not involve a new man, but if there’s a man in it, he needs to be worthy of you.

Day 5 here and struggling. Desperate to open the lines of communication again, but it won't change the outcome and I am so so tired of crying.

Ladies, it will get easier. Take time out for yourselves, write a list of positives & negatives about the person you were seeing. Give it time you will start to heal.

Make sure you feel any free time with doing something even if it is only reorganising your airing cupboard, go for a walk to a garden centre

💐 and good luck to you all.

Treat yourself to the book 'He's Just not that into you'.

Its pretty old now, there are probably lots of other similar books around these days, but it really helped me when i was getting over a break up with a dick head who couldn't be bothered.

Every hour you go without texting him is a step forward
xx

I've read that book and I actually kept a copy for any potential daughter I may have. She's now a teenager and I will dig it out. For me, not her just yet!!
I've been upset yet strong today. I've missed knowing what he's doing or other little things I saw that I wanted to share with him but strong because I know Im too kind for him and have just wrote an email but not sent it.
Hope everyone else is doing OK too.
Back to work tomorrow so going to try change my routine a little so I'm not sat exchanging messages at lunchtime as we have most days for such a long time.

Well done, you've done brilliantly!

You'll soon stop missing him, it's just habit and the buzz of a text message. But that's worthless if he's not actually going to value you and make you happy.

It sounds like you've got a plan in your head to help you which is good. The routines are always the worst when it makes you think about them.

I'm not doing great, he kept texting me over the weekend and it's messed my head up even more. I thought we were done but he keeps making the odd remark to make me think otherwise. Total headfuck.

We've got to sort out house stuff so I can't block him and still have to see him.

I know it will get better, I just need to survive until I start to feel it!

@smurfmonkey

It sounds like you've got a plan in your head to help you which is good. The routines are always the worst when it makes you think about them.

I'm not doing great, he kept texting me over the weekend and it's messed my head up even more. I thought we were done but he keeps making the odd remark to make me think otherwise. Total headfuck.

We've got to sort out house stuff so I can't block him and still have to see him.

I know it will get better, I just need to survive until I start to feel it!

He's dropping you little crumbs to keep you hooked in. Don't fall for it - you're worth more than crumbs.

Thank you, I know you're right, I know he's worried about his living situation but it's not fair to string me along. I know his head is a mess too but unfortunately it's not really coming from a place of missing me.

I don't want to wish this year away... but jeez is it Christmas yet?!

Don't let him use you as a comfort/sounding board - a relationship needs to have more give and take than that.

Don't be his safety net or comfort blanket for him to just ditch once he's feeling better. xx