Counselling intro tomorrow

[howtobegin]

I wasn't sure where to post this.

I have an intro meeting with a counsellor tomorrow, via phone.

I don't know where to begin with it. I feel like a fraud for even booking it.

I've booked it because I'm struggling with so many feelings after the suicide of someone I loved for a very long time, but never had a long term, official relationship with. Always in and out of each other's lives.

I know there's probably a lot of other unresolved childhood issues that she will probably pick up on too, at some point.

Can anyone tell me what's involved, and how I go about this first meeting? I think it's only about 15 mins. I can see me just bursting into tears as soon as I open my mouth.

In a 15-minute intro call, you won’t be expected to go into detail. I expect you’ll be asked to briefly describe what you want counselling for and what you hope to gain from it. It’s also a chance for you to get an idea of how comfortable you feel talking to this counsellor and ask any questions. Things like fees, cancellation policies etc will probably be discussed too.

If you do burst into tears, that’s okay too.

I’m a therapist (similar to a counsellor).

I’d be asking what led you to contact me, what support you already have, what you’re hoping to get from therapy, had you had therapy before, that sort of thing. It’s really normal to cry, over half of people do on the first session. I’d have it as a sort of assessment to check if we could work together. I’d also be telling you about the way I work and we’d contact together (ie weekly sessions at X price at x time)

Don't worry about bursting into tears, no decent counsellor minds that in the slightest, and would prefer to be able to express your emotions if you want to.

They're not going to ask your full history, just a brief outline of what is bringing you to therapy, partly so they can work out if they're the right counsellor for you (most counsellors will have some issues they don't deal with, like adoption - if it's the main issue bringing you to therapy, you need specialist training - or eating disorders might come in that category). But also as part of both of you working out if you'd work well together. If you don't gel with the therapist, it's perfectly fine to choose a different one, and actually better for both of you.

Ask them about anything you need to know - cost, cancellation policy, style of working, how they will deal with your issues, confidentiality etc.

There is no issue that's too small to bring to therapy, if it's affecting you and your day to day life, then it's fine, and suicide is bound to bring up lots of issues in any case.

Good luck OP.

Don't worry about the bursting into tears. Counsellors and therapists are very used to sitting with people in emotional distress. In fact that IS their job in a nutshell.

If you went to see a plumber you wouldn't think oh no my tap is leaking - the plumber helps you fix it.

Likewise the therapist expects tests and distress and to help you to think about what may be going on.

That's what the tissues are for😊

• tears not tests!

Thank you for replying.

I guess I struggle to talk about my feelings,

Ironically, that is one of the biggest regrets I have about how I handled my last period of contact with this person.

I feel that deep down I know no-one is going to be able to help me move forward, that she'll not tell me anything I don't know, or haven't read on here, etc. but that I have to try something.

It's not in the knowing, though, it's in the sharing. Having someone witnessing and empathising with your distress can be extremely powerful. Often people are stuck because of something they haven't truly acknowledged and worked through, like guilt with themselves or anger at the person who died.

I'm not saying it will definitely help you to move forward, but it may well do, and it may help you gain some insights into yourself, and have greater self compassion.

Learning to identify and talk about your feelings is one of the things they can help you with. Good luck OP.

@schmalex

Learning to identify and talk about your feelings is one of the things they can help you with. Good luck OP.

I feel like I've learned that now, in the hardest way possible.

Well, I had my session. And actually had it face to face, for over an hour. Crossed wires on my part about that.

She was a really lovely woman. But I'm not sure it's for me.

I have to just find a way of accepting the fact that, whatever way I look at it, I fucked my life up with, and/or, over this person.

OP it might be helpful to look up ‘disenfranchised grief.’ I think that might be what is happening for you and it’s a lonely place to be x

@Onlinetherapist there may be an element of that, but there's so much more to how I'm feeling. So many questions and "what ifs" that I'll never get answers to. Guilt and regret over what I didn't say, what I didn't do. And just complete disbelief that I'll never speak to him again.

But thank you. I will read up further ok what you posted