OH "advising me about the gym" low self esteem

[Felix0204]

I've lost quite a lot of weight I need to go the gym to improve my fitness and tone up a bit . I will also need a tummy tuck and breast lift at some point but I need to save the money first.

I've never felt good enough for my OH he has always been a gym bunny apart from the last two-three years where he has started to let it slide also has a history of watching porn , Instagram "fitness models" in the past. After I lost the baby weight after I had DD quite a while ago he said " you need to go the gym to tone up". He keeps telling me about what exercises to do , to achieve a certain look. I've never asked him for advice as he's hyper critical and I feel like whatever I do it won't be good enough. We have just had an almighty row I cried and told him to shut up , I don't want his advice or his critique. I just want to be a bit fitter he's started saying "why are you so mental, I'm only trying to help you improve"

Other than this the relationship is good, I just get very triggered when he mentions gym advice . My self esteem has been improving I look better than I have done in years but his comments bring it crashing down.

This man would have to have some uniquely redeeming features to make his behaviour bearable, OP. He sounds vain, thick and misogynistic. You deserve better. When he can push an 8 pound baby out of his arse having grown it for 9 months in his body, he can talk.

OP, I go to the gym loads, I don't and never will look like someone on Instagram. Partly because they're fake/stylised (it's not even as fancy as bum lifts, they literally use foam padding for the big bum leggings look) and partly because, well, I wasn't blessed with looks and the gym isn't going to change that (I'm fine with that)
This is nothing about how much exercise you do or don't do, and everything about him bullying you and holding you to an impossible standard. He has no right to belittle you like that, ever. You don't deserve to be spoken to like that.

So basically this man makes a hobby of objectifying and judging womens bodies online in porn and Instagram and now he does that to you too !

Your body is here to take YOU through life ? Help you achieve the things you want and make YOU feel good !
It’s not an object for his judgment
How do you see this playing out as you get older OP say when your 50, 60 or older . Do you think he will lovingly embrace your body and sees beauty in you regardless of your ‘body ‘ and age or do you think he’ll still be looking at Instagram ‘models and porn and making you feel shit? Something to think about

There are plenty of sleazy older men doing exactly that to their beautiful older wives
You might think that’s a long time away but it’s your future at this point

Also agree very much with what others are saying about going to the gym loads has little to do with looking like the online stuff . I can pretty much bet he’s not using womens images who look like real life mothers …. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you looking like who you are , a mum . Be proud of that . All good if you want to work out but don’t do it to try and achieve some silly ‘ideal ‘ of what he has convinced you is beautiful .
There are always choices in life , what we tolerate in relationships is one of them