When did you know that your SO was your person?

[Shinydiscoballs1]

How far in or at what point in your relationship were you confident enough in your own judgement to know you were with a person that was for long term/the one/someone you could have a future with?
Just out of curiosity
Im 3 months in and feeling like I've met my guy. After over 3 years of dating the wrong men for me, I hope I can trust my own judgement here

I’m coming up a year in and feel like there is a distinct possibility we will build a long-term future together - but i’m not sure yet. I don’t think that can come until a good couple of years go by realistically?

I’ve been with other people before longer term where I fell in love and felt they were my future really fast, and it put too much pressure on things.
It’s great you’ve met someone you really like, and I know it’s tempting to want to say ‘wow yes i’ve found my person!’ especially if you’ve have a shitty time dating. But I think the first few months and years should be about learning about each other and seeing what grows and that takes time.

I see what you mean, I'm very impulsive actually so I could do with slowing down a bit!!

I knew the day I met him that DH was going to be the love of my life. It was v inconvenient as I was already in a relationship with someone else, so it took a bit of figuring out, but I was right.

I was thinking when he meets my kids would be a good point to see how things would be too.

About 12 months in, I was pretty sure right from the outset but I had some family stuff going on when we'd been together about a year and he stepped up in a way I didn't expect, that's when I really knew. Been together 21 years now, not all plain sailing but he's still my person. I think it's fine to trust your feelings but I would hold back investing too much of my life at this stage if that makes sense? You can be head over heels for someone without letting the relationship take over your life or compromising your boundaries, that's what I think you need to be careful of in the early days rather than holding back your feelings.

Genuinely knew after about 4 dates.. was absolutely positive after 3 months. Meg him at 28 after many relationships where I knew they weren't the one... then literally it hit me out the blue and knocked me sideways when I met DH!
Moved in together after 6 moths, engaged at a year , married at 2 years... now been together 15 years!
When you know you know!

Make an actual list of all the things you need in a long term partner and check them off over the weeks/months? Start with universal ones - honest, keeps his word, listens to your opinion, is open to changing his behaviour if appropriate, etc. Then add in compatibility ones - where you want to live in the future, finances, religion, pets, politics/attitudes possibly, etc. Then personality ones - sense of humour, silly or serious, shy/outgoing/party-lover, etc.
Take emotion out of the equation and see how he measures up!

Sounds boring, but that's when I was certain my husband was for me. When I knew he ticked all my 'sensible head' boxes.

After three weeks we went on a week long camping trip. The sex was incredible but what made me realise was how well we worked together doing the cooking, shopping, getting the water out of the tent. My parents always argued and everything was a drama, in contrast I felt like we were a team. He moved in straight after the holiday and we’ve been together 27 years.

Very early on, within the first couple of weeks I think. 2 and a half years on, getting married next month and I've never had a moment's doubt. He's my person, I'm his and there was never any game playing or pussy-footing around.

Totally different to any prior relationship, including my former marriage.

After getting to know him for a few months, I was very sure about my DH when I asked him out, and when he said yes that was all the assurance I really needed. We knew after a week of dating that we wanted to get married, officially engaged after a month and married 4 months after that.

I don't believe that would work for every couple, but we were already coming from a starting point of having the same core beliefs, principles and goals in life, which is the most important stuff to be sure about. It didn't take long to feel confident that our personalities went well together.

What makes you think that?

I can't remember to be honest when I knew. But I'd be very cautious 3 months in especially if you've had bad relationships previously. Do you know about love bombing and future faking?

One of the biggest mistakes you can make in a relationship is to latch onto one thing that's been an issue in previous relationship(s) and decide that because your current bloke is the opposite of that specific issue, that means they are great and you'll stay with them for a long time.

Another red flag that you're falling too far too soon is a sense of scarcity, feeling that you've landed a rare prize and you'd better hold onto him quick before he leaves or anyone else notices because not many men are like this.

Or if you've been with several level 8 bastards, a level 3 one will feel like a prince, but the only acceptable level of bastardness is none.

I am not judging these things BTW, I have done all of them.

Green flags on the other hand - I remember one of the earliest things I noticed about DH was that I could completely relax and be myself around him, I didn't have to adopt any role or put on any performance.

When we argued/disagreed, (over the freshness of eggs!) at the time I said it was weird because it felt like arguing with my sister. Later with context I realise that what I meant was that disagreeing with him was not scary because it didn't feel like it could lead to a break up. Like my sister would never stop being my sister just because we were annoyed with each other, the entire strength and value of our relationship was never called into question over a minor disagreement.

What is his worst trait? Green flag here is that the worst trait is something that is mildly annoying. Red flag would be things like anger problems, drug/alcohol problems, critical streak etc.

I was fairly confident after about six months, but at about month eight he had spent a bit of time with my son and it just seemed to work (he is also a pro at imaginery play). At the start of lockdown due to my son having a cough he was trapped here for 14 days, not a single, whinge, groan or complaint. He was furloughed very quickly, I was working, my son was at home, he did everything here that he could to reduce my workload and that really confirmed it, a lot of people would have made their escape at that moment.

It’s our third anniversary on the 25th, its also our first wedding anniversary. So still a young relationship, but he’s exactly the same person he was when I met him three years ago.

I agree with what @BertieBotts has said OP.

No judgement either, I married a man very quickly thinking he was my person. He wasn't. I was completely love bombed and future faked.

Give it a year before you start thinking about long term. Go on holiday, be in positions of stress, and just enjoy it for what it is. You're getting to know someone, it's going well, if it stops going well there will be another lovely man to get to know too.

Later with context I realise that what I meant was that disagreeing with him was not scary because it didn't feel like it could lead to a break up

I recognise this. We don't argue often or seriously because we work at communicating and talking things out before it gets that far, but when we do it's not scary because neither of us are going anywhere.

After date 2 I went home and told my housemates he was the one I was going to marry. I know that sounds crazy, but I just knew.