Leaving with 7yr old to new home away from Hubby... any advice?

[Saz22]

Hi everyone,

i've posted a few times recently. Ended things with Hubby 3 weeks ago (basically didn't both with DD 7 most of her life until now, it's been me all the way). Now he has said that if i leave, which he doesn't want either, DD would be staying with him. I've been fair and said I would hope that would see each other everyday and she could stay over with him when she's ready etc etc. We haven't resolved that side of tings yet and i'm in contact with mediation and solicitor if necessary.

However, i've applied for a new house in the same area that would be ideal for me and DD.

I'm interested to know how this worked out for anyone that's been in a similar boat with young children. I'm a bit frightened of how he will react and so feel i may have to just up and go with DD which I didn't want to have to do, but if he doesn't come to his senses and sort it out rationally with me I can't see any other way.

I've been trying to prepare my DD but indirectly at the moment as it's sensitive with my H. So we've been speaking a lot about other family that are seperated and how the children have two homes etc etc and how this might look and could work. I think it's been going in as today she wrote a little story about going on an adventure with me to Daddy's house!

If you've been here, and whether you were able to prepare your DC or not, how did it affect them. I need inspiration as I'm very apprehensive about this next bit.

Thanks so much for reading xx

You got lots of excellent advice on your other thread. Its wonderful that you have somewhere to go, so - just go. You won't traumatise your DD forever by taking charge of your lives. Tell her, "as of Friday, you and I are going to live in our own house. You can still see Daddy as much as you like, but we won't be living in the same house. Would you like to choose some new things for your new bedroom?"

Don't make it a huge drama. Don't assume your DH will make it easy. You are an independent woman now, so you need to learn to act independently.

Oh, I forgot to add - don't try and do too much with your exH to pretend that you are still a family. I made this mistake, and it actually unsettled my DD quite a lot, as she then didn't know whether he was coming back or not. Keep it amicable if you can, but keep it clearly separate, is my advice.

@PonyPatter44

Oh, I forgot to add - don't try and do too much with your exH to pretend that you are still a family. I made this mistake, and it actually unsettled my DD quite a lot, as she then didn't know whether he was coming back or not. Keep it amicable if you can, but keep it clearly separate, is my advice.

Thanks PonyPatter, yes the advice on all my posts so far has helped no end, really has helped me move forwards in conjunction with other stuff too. Yes, i thinkn not too much drama of it however my DD does have trouble letting go of things so this plays on my mind a lot which is why i'm trying to prepare her as much as is reasonably possible at the moment.

I agree on acting independently too.. he has got the picture that I don't want to go anywhere with him now as i've said I'm not prepared to play happy families. I just can't do it and like you said, I need DD to realise there is a distinction now.

I guess I'm just in to minds as to whether just up and go, or tell h first what we will be doing.Either way, I dread the backlash.

I've come so far and just need a hand hold for this next bit.

x

Please dont tell her "you'll be able to see daddy as much as you want to" because that may not be true for a whole host of reasons.

Also, once you've gone dont be tempted to make promises on his behalf. If your dd asks you questions that you don't know the answer to (eg when will I see daddy) dont be afraid to say "I dont know, I'll try and find out for you".

Good luck. The next bit will be tough but then things should get better.