Feeling lonely and like a loser

[pearlybeauty]

I’m 24 and feeling a bit hopeless. I live with another housemate but I’m not particularly close with her anymore as she’s been very overbearing and not treated me the best. She has BPD as well.

My two closest friends happened to have moved to another part of the country so I don’t get to see them much anymore unless they’re home or we plan way in advance. I have a few other friends but they only really want to meet to get drunk and I’m just past it now.

I just feel so lonely this weekend. I have a lovely boyfriend who is going to a gig today, family gathering tomorrow, golfing with his friends on Monday morning. My weekend involves picking him up from the gig, going to his family gathering and then waiting for him to return on Monday. I also feel jealous of his family gathering as my family are quite dysfunctional for different reasons and we’ve never hosted family stuff.

I guess I just feel a bit useless and I want to be independent and do my own thing like DP is, but I just don’t have the people around me anymore. It’s not that I’m reliant on him, i just haven’t really got the opportunity for other plans. I’ve taken up a sports club but I haven’t really been able to strike up conversations yet.

DP doesn’t have loads of friends but he has a nice solid group that will suggest things on bank holiday etc. I just wish I had that sort of little girl group but I don’t :(

Am I pathetic? And what do I do?:(

OP, the 20s can be a lonely time but you have many years ahead to build up a solid friendship base.

The first thing to start with is hobbies. What kind of hobbies do you have, or what things would you like to achieve?

Start there, and build up friends based on that.

You’re not a loser, don’t say that. It happens, people move away etc. Can you do some evening study class once a week, that’s a great way to meet potential friends? The ones that go out drinking can you not suggest alternative activities?

You're doing great- joining a sports club is a good way to meet new people, you just need to give it time. What about more of this sort of thing, a dancing class, book group, crafting, anything.

I would advise moving to a new house share. Being unhappy and stressed at home has such a big effect. Also, at your age (I feel ancient now!) I made some of my closest and most enduring friendships in big, friendly, sociable and sometimes noisy shared houses.

Try and see if there is another invite at the family gathering if nothing else just to have a different conversation with.

You’re not a loser!

I’m mid (late ) 30s now, but my friendship circle is made up of people I met at an evening class at college, and people I worked with for a homelessness prevention charity. They’re my absolute best friends and I didn’t even know they existed when I was in my 20s.

What interests you? Can you volunteer anywhere? Think about what YOU really enjoy doing and you will meet like minded people there I promise

Hi OP, sorry you're feeling this way. I think I actually posted a similar thread about your age and I'm thirty now.

I've moved around a lot so have friends in different countries who I really miss sometimes. But I also have lots more friends now and am not lonely so much - I've met them through work, a hiking group and a theatre group I'm part of. Taking up new hobbies is much recommended because it eased the loneliness, hopefully you enjoy it and maybe you'll meet some good friends there.

You're not the only one OP honestly

I don't have many friends either, I feel like it so hard to make friends as a grown up (im 30 now) in my early 20s I made my friends by meeting one person, then meeting their friends and so on. Or on nights out, its always easier to really get to know someone

My weekend is looking after my 1yr old waiting for my partner to come home

I went for coffee with a couple of other mums a week ago, it was a bit faff getting there and it was weird because we had nothing in common and I didn't feel like we jelled. Like I want more women friends who I can connect with (regardless of whether or not they have kids) but how do you even meet people as an adult?

I think the other posters who were in local groups and stuff are right, it's probably the best way to meet people but it's hard to make yourself go. I find it hard anyway.