I have posted under a different username before about my marriage difficulties.
My mental health took a huge nosedive during lockdown and my husband really struggled with me. I had a huge wobble over our marriage, brought it up with him and from there it just spiralled into a huge big thing about sex. I didn't want it, he did. He was miserable with rejection, he said some pretty horrible stuff which he claims he didn't mean, I had sex I didn't want and it's all just gone tits up.
Fast forward 18 months and I told him we need to separate properly. I'm struggling to get over having sex I didn't want and it's made me never want to do it again, I can't get over some of the stuff he's said in the past, about sex and about me making me feel like I'm never good enough and he can't deal with rejection.
He's still pushing for us to be a proper couple and it's just causing arguments because I don't want sex and he is hurt that I'm turning him down.
I've had my hormones checked and I'm having counselling sessions, he doesn't think I'm fighting hard enough to save the marriage but I don't know what else I can do. We get on great as people but as a married couples it's awful and we can't live like that. It's not fair on either of us.
I spoke to the counsellor about some of his behaviour and she was really concerned as it's very sexually coercive and she said there are elements of control. He flat out denies it and says I'm making him out to be a monster, he doesn't deny what he said but he's saying I'm taking it the wrong way because in my head he is a monster which isn't true.
I hate living like this where I don't feel like anything I do is right. I'm ending the marriage because it's not making us happy, that's not good enough because I'm apparently giving up but staying married and saying no to sex is also wrong.
What am I supposed to do?!