Did I over-react

[Angeex]

Just wanted some advice please
But me and Dh have been having disagreements over his just spend any free with with his mates or either working/hobby

I feel like he’s always been doing sly things after being married i.e hiding phone, coming home late etc but I’m not a person who just accuses and gets paranoid over things without any evidence and to be honestly some of his behaviour I’ve always just put it down to he’s young and will mature in time. But recently I’ve been feeling like these signs are signs I shouldn’t have ignored and spoke up about as now they bother me when he does certain things.

We have 3 young dc and he’s still got this ‘going out till late’ habit which stops for a few weeks and starts again continuously till I have a burst about it to him. He’s been going out every weekend after work till 2-3 am or twice a week even.

I’ve come to visit my family for Easter for a few days and he’s gone over to his, I’ve asked him tonight to come with us after I visited his family, I would have stayed there but no space. I don’t know if part of me wanted to test him as I know it’s Friday and probably will be doing his late shenanigans. It’s like I dread weekends!!

Anyways as I’m about to leave he’s asked me if I got any spare clothes for him in the car of his, Honeslty that got me so annoyed as always he wouldn’t miss the opportunity of going out, so I calmly replied ‘so you not coming cause you made plans i see’

By the way him going out isn’t an issue but he’s doing it so often that it’s a little annoying even when we are at home this is the case, i get no date nights with him haven’t for about 5 months.

Apparently he doesn’t spend money when out, he only meets with old friends and often won’t let me know when he’s coming back

I am religiously doing everything, cleaning, cooking, childcare, shopping! And he never asks me if I’d like even 30 minutes to myself once in a while

Anyways before leaving I told him that he’s giving me a bad gut feeling, honestly I can’t brush this horrible feeling, I feel like I’m being taken for a mug In a few situations

He didn’t want to Listen to what I had to say any further and in rage I told his brother who was just outside his car of his recent behaviour. He asked him to take me for a coffee or little drive and speak over this, whilst he baby sits for us, dh told him to let her just go home don’t worry about it.

I got upset and told his brother thank you for the advice and offer but it’s fine as your brother doesn’t feel like it’s important to make his wife feel loved and reassured with her emotions.

I feel a bit bad as I may have made a fool out of myself due to my gut feeling and speaking out

Any advise xx

I agree they probably know something is up. As no one even bothered to contact me at all. He’s probably telling them also of how moody I am. I tried to explain my side to why he thinks it’s reasonable to be out all the time without any consideration. I did tell Dh that il separate cause he never listens, turned around and told me I overthink .

We are in our early 30s @CambsAlways

You're a single parent already, just make it official !

He sounds Neanderthal. Ditch the useless twat.

He just spoke to me and said he works hard and needs to see him mates and I should arrange childcare on the days I want free time.

I watch to much social media posts and I make big deal out of situations

I’ve apparently embarrassed myself in front of everyone and everyone who knows him he wouldn’t cheat on me nor has ever just busy with work

It’s a mother’s job to look after her kids whilst man works and does what he needs to do. I’m a controlling person and he doesn’t want to be controlled, telling me it’s down to me this is ending as I don’t listen

You asking him questions is not being a controller! He does like to turn the tables on you doesn’t he, won’t take any blame for his own behaviour, so everything’s your fault! He’s pathetic

@Angeex

The feeling I keep getting is ‘am I being taken for a mug’

I am no mug and I don’t know what that what it is looking from the outside too or just me feeling this way

Hun this:

I am religiously doing everything, cleaning, cooking, childcare, shopping! And he never asks me if I’d like even 30 minutes to myself once in a while

Means you are a mug. It sounds crap. My DH is very sociable whereas I'm a homebody and like time on my own. We make sure we have equal leisure time whether that means him going out with friends or me taking myself off for a swim/having the house to myself for a day. You just sound like an unpaid maid/babysitter/sex object.