Miserable and can’t afford to leave.

[Hottubtimemachine]

I’m not sure what I’m looking for, perhaps someone who has been in a similar position or any advice?
I’m miserable. My family are very unhappy. Me, kids, husband- all unkind to each other.
I’m the breadwinner and the resentment I have at husband not contributing financially to the house is the main reason for the discontent. He has a trade, no reason why he can’t earn more, he has just got into the habit of not doing much work wise (was a SAHD but kids older now- teens).
I don’t want to give up the family home and pay him maintenance, I literally work my backside off to provide a nice life for my family and I resent having to continue to work like a dog whilst keeping him to the manner in which he has been accustomed if we split.
How do I fix things? I want an equal partner and a happy family. Right now we all treat each other like shit and it’s awful- the kids are just copying our bad relationship.

Me too. Except I don't earn enough to leave, have nowhere to go and my H would make it terrible if I left, vengeful, spiteful. He'd try to get custody and probably would as he earns more and kids wouldn't have to move to a deprived estate and school with me. My kids are younger but I can already see the aggression in the way they talk. I hate all the aggression in the house. I am trying to work on things with my kids but it is impossible with my H.

I don't have any advice, but yeah its shit.

You won't change your H though. If he wants to change he will have to want to do it for himself.

In your position, I would suck up the payments and leave. You'll be better off in the long run.

@brightbeetlei am so sorry you are going through similar. You are so right about the aggression, it just feels like the hostility is permeating everywhere and I don’t know how to stop it.

You are so right about the aggression, it just feels like the hostility is permeating everywhere and I don’t know how to stop it

Yes. This. Sometimes I feel like I live in a house just full of shouting and conflict. Both children have learnt to just shout at the top of their voices. I hate it.

I have just started (free from a charity) counselling to help me with my anger (with my H) , but the counsellor is young and inexperienced and it doesn't look like she can help.
I just feel helpless really. I keep hoping some miracle event will happen to get me and the kids out of this situation. I'm sure not having any success getting me out of it under my own steam!