I’ve been there and I can assure you that you did the right thing. I also understand that the heartache of doing it doesn’t feel that way. I’m amazed you’re already mentioning co-dependency and already getting help! It took me years to figure that part out.
Unfortunately I didn’t read your op. I can tell you my experience. My first relationship was with an alcoholic. It wasn’t immediately obvious but it probably should have been, I was just so young. I was with him for 4 years and had a child together. He gave up alcohol for a few months at one point due to my ultimatums and this really confused me. But it turned out he’d replaced the booze with drugs and somehow I missed the physical symptoms (I became an expert). He was increasingly violent during the time I was with him. Think, literally Jekyll and Hyde depending on if sober or drunk.
I’d love to say I heroically stepped up and made a proper stand but the truth was I literally had no choice because I tried absolutely EVERYTHING and in the end I had to get him to leave because he spent all my money and couldn’t feed the baby. However, I’d had enough and never took him back again.
I’ve never really had the chance to discuss it when I probably should have, ideally. It’s very good you’re getting counselling. If you’d stayed you’d have been in an increasingly bad way personally. Ultimately the road to healing any heartbreak is to love yourself just as much, and that is more true if you’ve been with an addict.
I do, I think, know what you’re going through. I suffered so much guilt and sadness as that relationship ended. I did, however wise up to a lot and saw things more clearly the more time that went on.
I have an uncle who is an alcoholic and he is doing okay now. My ex never did. My one personal victory was realising it had nothing to do with me. Loving someone is a two way street and should not mean destroying yourself in the process.
I went on to have nicer experiences and dated some nice guys without those issues after that. I was perfectly fine and really discovered myself; there is a lot of joy in that. If I’d had therapy earlier as you are doing I’d also have cleared up issues properly but I did that later. Really focus on yourself, stay busy, do new things, write a journal, make new friends, talk it all out, find your passion, exercise.
(Hope that’s not patronising advice but it’s literally what helped).
I went on and raised a wonderful child alone, did a psychology degree (I’m good at that due to my experiences, discovered I’m good at dancing, found all kinds of joy. I honestly never looked back. And he can do the same, it’s up to him. Don’t have any contact. Read good books, keep your mind busy.
And well done for leaving. It’s the hardest decision but the right one.
🙏🌷