Should I tell DH this stuff?

[0ats]

I have been with my DH for twenty five years. I'm 47. For the last few years I have found myself attracted to women and I have also been watching some 'soft' porn, only with women in it. I love my DH very much and I am attracted to him and we have regular and good sex.
My problem is that I feel a bit like I'm lying to him all the time. Often when we have sex I am thinking of women. Should I tel him this? He has no interest in porn and is a loyal and loving husband. I feel like I'm betraying him. Any advice or ideas?

I wouldn't. Isn't it normal to fantasise a little during DTD?

Is it? I know he doesn't!

I wouldn't tell him either. How do you know he doesn't fantasise when you DTD?

@0ats

Is it? I know he doesn't!

He might say the same about you.

Yes its normal, and you have no idea if he does it or not, it would be inside his head.

if he is against porn I think you should consider either stopping that or telling him about it though. But if you still fancy him and enjoy sex with him it doesn't matter if you have the odd little fantasy. If you're thinking on acting on those fantasies though, then of course you need to tell him as you'll just be cheating on him.

I know he doesn't because he's like an open book. I really believe him when he says that he only thinks about us having sex, I wish he did say he fancied people because I feel so guilty about it!

Thanks for making me feel a bit more normal though, maybe he is the strange one!

I wouldn't cheat on him, I just always fantasise about women when I'm on my own.

Fantasy is harmless and widespread. But do you think there is more to this, OP, in your case? Are you wondering whether you might be gay or bisexual? You wouldn’t be the only lesbian to not realise her orientation until middle age.

I'm bisexual I think. But I've only ever kissed one woman as I got together with my husband quite young.

If you want the rest of the relationship to continue as it is don't tell him. You can't put that particular genie back into the bottle. You have a perfect right to your secret internal life, and it doesn't need sharing.

This isn't an issue. Don't make it one. Your thoughts and fantasies are your own business. They only become a problem when you want to act on them.

Unless and until you want to put said fantasies into action with a woman, they're just fantasies. Most people daydream and fantasise and crush harmlessly; you're married, not dead. You're entitled to an inner life, and you're hurting nobody. I would probably keep them to myself though, unless you know for sure he'd take it well/not mind.