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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

husband is leaving me and our son

4 replies

Mollylegs · 14/04/2022 09:43

Hi, I'm not really sure where to start. My husband caught covid nearly 2 years ago and although he didn't seem poorly at the time a few weeks later he thought he'd had a heart attack, he did come round but never told anyone until about 6 weeks later, he got drunk and threatened to commit suicide, his parents took him to hospital and they sent him back within a couple of hours saying he was ok. We then had the crisis team come out but my husband being as quiet and private as he is he wouldn't communicate with them. They tried to get him to go on anti depressants as they thought he had an acute stress reaction. Anyway fast forward nearly 2 years he hasn't properly slept for all of this time, sometimes he won't sleep at all for a couple of days. I know he is struggling and I have spoken to his GP lots and she has just said if he won't accept help then as an adult I can't force him. Things have been going downhill with us for the last 18 months, he doesn't have anything to say to us, he is constantly angry and annoyed at everything. Our son who adores his dad is so upset and feels like his dad hates him. My husband started going out drinking with old school friends, something he doesn't normally do as he is fit and healthy and looks after himself. 2 weeks ago he came home stotting drunk and decided to tell our son that he doesn't love me as much and he doesn't want to be married anymore. He told Jack that we can stay in the house but he's leaving. My poor son came and woke me sobbing his heart out telling me what his dad had said, he was devastated, and still is. I told my husband what he had said to our son and he said he couldn't remember(no suprise there) I told him he should say sorry but he didn't. He is saying that he is struggling with me and our son but when I ask him what exactly is he struggling with he doesn't have a direct answer. I feel I have been trying my hardest to help him and now he says he doesn't want us anymore. After the coming home drunk he spent the next day cuddling me and saying he was sorry and we will get through it, but the next day he didn't even speak to me, just treat me like rubbish. I asked him if he was depressed and he said maybe or is just unhappy with me and did he want to leave and he said yes to that. I told him to go but he can tell our son as this is his decision to leave us, not ours. I have no idea what to do anymore, I dread him coming in from work in case he is in a bad mood. Sorry for the long post, I hope someone has any ideas about what's going on cause I haven't a clue.

OP posts:
CPL593H · 14/04/2022 09:55

It all sounds horrible, sorry. TBH I think the best thing he can do is move out; whether the issues stem from untreated mental health problems/unhappiness in the marriage/something else, it is very unfair on you and your son to live like this. He has involved his son in this by discussing your marriage while drunk (which is appalling parenting) and is sending inconsistent and mixed messages both to you and to him.

He doesn't seem to know what he wants. Make it about what you want and what is best for your son, because I can't imagine it is a life like this, with someone blowing hot and cold and taking his frustrations out on you both. Perhaps a period apart will give him some clarity and it will at least allow you to think about the future too, in peace.

theremustonlybeone · 14/04/2022 10:02

He needs to seek rl support and should leave. It isnt healthy and he is damaging your son emotionally never mind yourself.

Motnight · 14/04/2022 10:04

Op have you posted about this before? If so what are you looking for that the other thread didn't provide so people know how to help?

AskingforaBaskin · 14/04/2022 10:13

No matter what is happening he doesn't get to abuse your son. If he won't help himself he needs to leave and you don't owe him anything further. Get him out

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