So just a bit of background before I get going. I'm a single parent. I was in what I thought was a very happy and loving marriage until my husband abruptly walked out on me during my second pregnancy. It hit me like a bus. But what made it even more difficult was that this was just before the first lockdown and I then went on to have to have my baby in hospital on my own and navigate my way through my separation, postnatal, maternity leave during lockdown and on my own. He was also a very nasty man for the first 12 months. There was a lot of emotional abuse and manipulation and anger directed towards me. It was really difficult. I don't know how I got through it, and even though today I am in such a better place, I am easily triggered when it comes to talking about certain things I went through. And when I say triggered, I don't mean that I am still grieving the fact that we aren't together, that ship is well and truly sailed. it is more regarding the children and the fact that he completely unjustified but constantly threatened to take them off me as a form of manipulation when he was being so vile towards me during my postnatal period. We have managed to get an amicable terms, however he can be very up-and-down so how long this will last who knows. I'm not a confrontational person. I hate falling out with anybody, it just is not in my nature. I've had CBT therapy and I am currently having council in as well so I'm doing everything I can to work on myself to stop reliving the trauma that I went through in those early months.
Anyway, I found myself in a situation now and I just don't really know how to deal with it. My sister and brother-in-law are in the early days of separating. They've been together a long time and have children. My sister is the one that is initiating the separation because she isn't happy. The whole talk about divorce and separation is a trigger for me. I find it very hard to watch anything on telly or have discussions with people in real life about separating and childcare because it's still so raw to me so I'm finding this very difficult. Me and my sister get on with each other however I do have to be very careful with this relationship. As I said earlier I'm not a confrontational person but my sister is the complete opposite. I do find her very bossy and abrupt and overwhelming. I see things and ways that she acts in her relationship that almost remind me of how I've been treated. I'm not in anyway saying my sister is abusive, but I do think that she pushes the boundaries and can be controlling. So I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm finding it very difficult to deal with any talks of their separation. It just is bringing back so much pain to me and I feel so bad I feel like this. I feel like I'm letting everybody down because people think that I should be good in this situation because I've been through it.However I think it's quite the opposite. I was on the receiving end this situation, it's different.
I tried to talk to my mum about this, but it didn't go down well. I want to be there for my sister, but her behaviour and how I know she will act moving forward is making it hard for me.
She's always talked about how easy it is being a single parent and how she'll be entitled to X amount of money from her partner etc etc. She thinks it's easy but sharing childcare and not waking up with my beautiful children everyday still takes my breath away all these years later. My heart is still absolutely shattered about that. She has absolutely no idea and never has done!